When you become a mother, you experience a ton of the things you had always hoped for and dreamed about and also many, many things you never expected.
Thank goodness for friends both in real life and online who provided much-needed and appreciated advice both during pregnancy and after—it made some of those unexpected things a little easier to cope with.
Sorry this post is so late after the one-year mark, I haven’t had a lot of time to sit down and write it until now.
Weaning
I’ll start with weaning from pumping because I’ve been getting a lot of questions about that. The most important piece of advice I can offer here is to give yourself way more time than you think you need to wean from pumping. I thought I would need a week or two at most, but it ended up taking about a month to reduce from three to zero pumping sessions per day.
We were traveling at the beginning of June and I didn’t want to lug my pump with us, but my body was still making milk even though I hadn’t expressed in about five or six days the day we got on the plane. My breasts were sore and hard in parts, with lots of plugged ducts. Not painfully engorged like when I was first weaning from pumping, but it wasn’t comfortable, at all.
I used all of the tricks in the book— cabbage leaves in the bra (at night and on weekends when I was home), reducing time each pumping session (I used to pump for 30 minutes, so I went down to 20, then 10, then 5, etc). Eventually I would pump for just a few minutes to relieve pressure and I wouldn’t pump a lot so my supply was finally dwindling.
A few days into our trip, I was in a lot of discomfort so I hand-expressed in the shower. I know they say not to get hot water on your chest area when you are weaning, but the pressure was so intense, I just had to. That seemed to be the final thing I had to do to make the milk stop completely. The next day my body just felt different. It went from my breasts looking huge and full all the time to looking and feeling like they were pre-pregnancy (actually, better, and I’ll get to that soon). I was suddenly able to sleep on my stomach again and my chest finally felt normal. All of the hard lumps and plugged ducts were gone and it was such a relief.
A lot of my mom friends told me how hard it was to wean, particularly emotionally. I think because I pumped, I didn’t really get to experience that “last nursing session,” so as much as I felt sort of sad that it was all coming to an end…I also felt thrilled I wouldn’t have to be a) hooked up to a pump for hours, b) lugging the milk to and from work, c) planning my days around pumping… and the list goes on and on. I was so happy to have met my goal that it overshadowed any sadness. I think if I had nursed, it would have been more emotional for me.
Breastfeeding/Pumping with Breast Implants
I get a lot of questions about breastfeeding or pumping with breast implants. Way before I ever got pregnant, I emailed a blogging friend of mine because I knew she had nursed her baby girl and had implants. I wanted to know what her experience was like—I was so worried I wouldn’t be able to breastfeed because of my surgery but she was really reassuring and even told me that she liked hers better after she nursed. I was surprised to hear this, but now I feel the same way. Maybe it’s just because they are not gargantuous anymore (seriously, it was no beuno), but they are totally back to normal and they actually feel softer than they did before.
Everyone is different, but my experience nursing/pumping with implants was very positive. I get asked a lot if looking back, I wished I had waited to get implants until after I had children? Given that I was able to produce more breast milk than my baby needed, the answer would be no, I’m glad I got them when I did. However, if I had not been able to produce milk or had low supply, my answer might be different, but maybe not. I would have probably attributed it to lack of breast tissue versus the implants, since under-the-muscle placement typically preserves the important parts for breastfeeding and many women breastfeed successfully with implants.
Body/Body-Image After Baby
When I was pregnant and nursing, I felt really good about myself. I’m sure it was all the endorphins and hormones racing through my body, but I felt more “happy in my skin” than ever before. I could be bare-faced with my hair in a topknot and feel great. There was just something about that time that made me feel really confident about my appearance.
After weaning, I experienced some blues that started midway into our Toronto trip. It was terrible—but I knew it might happen because Danielle warned me about the hormone crash she experienced when she weaned from nursing her daughter. I felt so sad/low…and it was both fortunate and unfortunate timing—I didn’t want to feel blue around my family and friends—but at the same time, my loving family and friends made it easier to leave those feelings behind when we spent time together which I so enjoy and rarely get to do.
I also suddenly felt really bad about myself and my body. It literally happened overnight and I remember Kevin trying to convince me that there is no way my body/looks changed overnight, but in my mind, they had. I didn’t have those positive feelings about myself anymore and I hated getting dressed (in the same clothes, mind you, that I had loved days prior to the big ol’ hormone crash). I was horribly bloated and felt totally blah for a couple of weeks.
My hormones seemed to have leveled-off now and I’m feeling a lot better. My body hasn’t changed much from the last time I posted an update. I feel like I’ve gained a couple of pounds since I stopped pumping, but that’s about it.
I’m looking forward to getting back into shape and making healthier choices as this year continues. What I miss the most is feeling energized. The feeling you get after completing a tough workout is awesome and I miss the long term benefits of having more strength and energy.
I purchased a 2-month unlimited barre class membership (it was on a daily deals site for 60% off!) and right now I’m trying to figure out the class schedule. I will likely go every Saturday and Sunday and maybe one weeknight if they have a class that’s after Harper’s bedtime. Really, even two days a week would be huge for me.
Health/Nutrition
Speaking of healthier choices, I saw a nutritionist at work recently (it’s part of our employee health program) because I finally wanted to face my sugar addiction and actually do something about it instead of talking about it.
For years, I have been addicted to sugar. I have very little self-control when it comes to how often and how much sugar I consume. The only time in my life I can remember getting it under control is when Kevin and I were doing boot camp. I was in such great shape that I was more motivated to make better choices.
The past year of less sleep, constant pumping (which in and of itself requires a lot of calories—not from sugar though, obviously), going back to work, etc… kind of drained me so I was using sugar more than ever before as a “pick me up.”
The nutritionist meeting actually felt more like a therapy session. She talked to me a lot about why we make the choices we do, what motivates us and also explained the pathways the human brain makes when it comes to addictions. It was very interesting and it all made sense.
My nutritionist is nothing like I expected—-in fact, this HuffPost article totally reminds me of her approach. I thought I would go in there and she would be horrified and tell me I’m destroying my health and to never eat sugar again but it was the total opposite. She told me to look at my situation with compassion and without judgment or shame.
My first goal was to keep a food diary and really, truly think about my choices. Instead of eating because I’m tired, bored, stressed, etc, I ask myself- am I really hungry, or do I just want the feeling I get from eating something sweet? 90% of the time, I’m not hungry and if I am, there’s a better choice to be made than cookies, chocolate or sour patch kids (sorry, kiddos, it’s been a fun ride).
The nutritionist told me I should add more fat to my diet to ensure the meals I’m eating are filling. My breakfast, lunch and dinners are all healthy (think eggs, salads, sandwiches, meat, fish and veggies, etc)—but I used to eat something sweet (and lots of it) after every meal regardless of whether I was full or not. It became nearly impossible not to have a treat after lunch and dinner and I was never able to stop at just one or two cookies or a few pieces of chocolate. I craved it so badly and I would eat much larger portions than what is reasonable. Sometimes I even felt sick afterward yet that rarely stopped me. I would even start my days with a sugar-packed Luna bar which set me up to crash shortly afterwards.
Anyway, I see the nutritionist every two weeks for now. So far I have been happy with my progress. My goal isn’t not to eat sugar—that is crazy and impossible— it’s to learn to understand when I truly want something sweet (versus just out of habit) and then learn to approach eating sweets as a fun treat in reasonable amounts, versus eating sweets multiple times a day in unlimited amounts. It can be so tempting to indulge in every little treat (people at work always bring leftover food from meetings, donuts, cookies, etc.) but it’s also a surefire way to have constant sugar crashes.
Now, when I have a craving for sugar, I will often drink a cup of tea to let it pass. If I’d like to have something sweet, I have a few bites of ice cream (not half of the container) or a small serving of something (not eating cookie after cookie right out of the box). I’ve had a few slip-ups, but doing great overall. I’ve never had any discipline when it comes to sweets so I’ve surprised myself—that’s probably because I’m actually motivated to change my habits and I’m not going cold turkey.
I want to clarify that this is not about weight loss or “sugar detox.” I do not need or want to lose weight and I don’t want to stop eating sweets, because as I said earlier, that’s unrealistic (and quite frankly, you only live once, and I want to live in a world where Thin Mints can be a part of my life—in moderation). I’m looking to make better choices about what I fuel my body with so that I can have more energy and develop a better relationship with food.
Have any of you struggled with this? What helped you overcome it? I’m not interested in any kinds of diet shakes, detoxes or other diet products, but if you have some behaviors or practices that helped you moderate your sugar intake, please let me know! My best trick so far is tea. I love David’s Teas- they come in so many delicious flavors, some truly taste dessert-like.
Thank you for reading! If you have any questions post below and I will come back to answer.
There is so much about this post that I can relate to.I felt myself nodding to everything you said.. I'll be weaning in a few months, and like you, I am an exclusive pumper. I also am addicted to sugar, like majorly, and have been trying to cut down. It's all emotional to me too… I never am hungry, I just like how it makes me feel good for the 2 minutes I'm eating it. I'm guilty of having a dessert after every meal. I love that this post made me feel like I"m not alone in my struggles.
I'm sure you went over this before, but can you tell me how you weaned? My son is EBF up until this point (he's almost 10 months) and I, like you, want to wean at 1 year. Did you mix Harper's bottles of breast milk with cow's milk? How long before she was entirely switched over? The process sort of intimidates me (to say the least!) so I'd appreciate any specifics you might be able to offer…
Thanks for the honesty of this post! I am worried about the hormone crash when I stop breastfeeding (and pumping). I don't remember it when I stopped with my daughter, but she was only 8 weeks and I was already emotional from some health issues she was facing so who knows what part of that might have been connected.
So interesting to hear about how you're addressing sugar! I can totally relate as it's my addiction too. I am so good about everything else, but ADDICTED to sugar. Would love to hear updates on how it goes for you!
I love switching my sweet treats for delicious fruit. You still get the sweet flavor, but it's not bad for you!
I gave up sugar when my daughter was about 8 months old. I too just HAD to have something sweet after every meal, and it was getting ridiculous. And not just desserts, but processed food too that was stuffed full of sugar. But, after about 10 days of no sugar, I really didn't crave it anymore. The first 10 days were SO hard, but after that I didn't miss it and felt fantastic.
Now that my second daughter is 1, I've recently given it up again, and it's easier this time because I know I HAVE done it before, and felt amazing. I save my "sugar" splurges for red wine on the weekends, which is much better than a gross cookie in the breakroom at work 😉 Good luck!
i've been googling things all day to inspire me to get a good grasp on eating healthy. my self control has been out the window for awhile! i've done it before – so i know i can do it again. it's just getting into the habit that is hard. my husband and i are going to start trying soon for a baby and i really want to get in the habit of healthy choices before i become pregnant! good luck with the sugar! i struggle with too much bread, too much sweet tea and too much cheese! haha
What a great post! I've noticed that if I eat protein and fat for breakfast I do not have sugar cravings…especially at night.
You could be talking about me when you talk about your sugar addiction. I'm thin, but have a serious problem when it comes to sugar. Sour Patch kids in particular! I literally had to have my husband hide a box of cookies I bought because I have absolutely no self control. Thanks for sharing.
As someone who is about to have a baby in 5 weeks (agh!) it's nice to hear about the realities of post birth. I too love, love, love sugar and know that I need to find a way to lessen my intake (but no way eliminate it) Thanks for sharing mama!
I've cut back on my sugar too. I didn't eat a ton of it but we have a candy bowl at work that was not helping. I gave it up for Lent & I have yet to get a piece of candy out of the bowl. It's like a competition with myself! When I usually want something sweet is at night after dinner. I've found cup of almond or coconut milk helps. I buy the usweetened but it seems to work.
Great post! When I weaned i did so because I was 8 weeks pregnant with my 2nd. It will be interesting to see how my body reacts when I wean the 2nd time – and not because of pregnancy 🙂
And sugar – oh lord, I hear ya on that!! I bought a ton of David's Teas and I also find that helps curb cravings. And downing a big glass of water. Good luck! It's so hard but I always feel so much better when I'm eating "cleaner"!
Thank you for being so real and honest with us! My tactics for avoiding eating too many sweets are:
1. Chew a piece of sugarless gum and distract myself with another activity.
2. Eat some plain Greek yogurt with a little fruit, nuts, and just a drizzle of honey. It makes me feel like I'm eating something sweet, but it's also healthy and more satisfying than cookies.
Good luck with your goals!
I have so many things I want to write, but feel like maybe an email would be better. I can totally agree on so many levels and we had such different experiences (I nursed/was pregnant when I weaned/am experiencing the same lows now bc of birth control,etc) I think its so great you are so honest with your experience because whether not people shared the same experience, people can relate. Oh and your sugar addiction sounds like it rivals mine… I have a SERIOUS problem. I seriously choose to eat ice cream over drinking wine or alcohol.
This was such a great post – specifically the section about sweets. I have the worst sugar tooth and struggle myself with eating sweets in moderation. I have given up my daily Mountain Dew and make sure to always have water nearby. It literally took a couple of months to get over that bad habit and it felt like forever before I didn't have the afternoon crash that used to make me run to the vending machine, but now I feel much better and know that it was worth it!
Sequins&Stilettos
I have a problem with sweets too. I am usually okay during the day- it's at night that I totally lose it. And, like you, I can't eat just 1 or 2 cookies- I'll down half the box. The worst part is I am very dedicated to providing my family with healthy, real food. I cook most things from scratch, buy mostly organic, etc. We have very little processed food in the house- until I send my husband on a junk food run after the kids are in bed. It's a) ridiculously unhealthy, and b) expensive! I will be following along, so please update us with your progress, and good luck!
Such a great post! I'm so happy to hear that you're feeling better. I have a serious sugar problem too. I'm always reaching for sweets, chocolate specifically especially at night. I saw a nutritionist when I was pregnant because I had GD and I'm thinking about getting back on that diet. It was such a severe limit on the carb count though that I may have to tweak it a little. Best of luck to us on our new journey toward eating cleaner!
You look great! I don't know how you felt otherwise. Hormones are awesome huh? 🙂 I don't struggle with sweets but with salts/fats. It helps to just not buy it at all and eat it when it is served elsewhere: bbqs, play groups, out to dinner. I agree with all things in moderation.
Would you mind sharing which tea flavors in particular have helped? I'm 7 weeks pp and breastfeeding has helped me lose the weight so motivation to eat well hasn't been as strong…but I'm trying to get back in to it!
Hi Veronika,
I am really trying to cut down of sugar too. I tend to turn to it for an energy boost when I am under pressure. When I am tired and stressed I make poor choices! Oh my, am I under pressure at the moment! I am writing a series of textbooks for Kindergarten and Grade 1 and the pressure is considerable. It's a tough cycle to break. When I am under pressure I don't have time to prepare/shop for better choice foods. I love to have something sweet to end a meal with too. I am sharing a link to a thumbprint cookie that literally got me through Christmas. It would taste fab at anytime of year. It really satisfied my need for something sweet. I hope that it helps!
I would love if you shared some tips or advice on your journey.
Cathriona (Ireland)
http://www.missmernagh.com
I LOVE barre classes! 🙂 Granted I'm not trying to bounce back post baby or anything like that, but I think you'll enjoy them too! They are such a great, fun workout and so motivating! I hope you do more posts about your workout routine or fitness in general. Good luck! 🙂
I've been cutting sugar, too, and trying T25 to regain some of the strength I lost while pregnant. Loved this post!
I don't know if you ever addressed this, but how do find time to get ready and always look so put together? (This isn't meant to be rude I'm just curious because I have a very busy 9 month old boy and I wish I could look as great as you always!!) any tips?
Great post, V, and even though I'm not a mother I found this interesting.
It's almost comforting to hear about your addiction to sugar–we all have our vice!! I do love treats, and try to eat in moderation but definitely have a sweet tooth as well. I'm not sure if you drink milk, but I switched over to (unsweetened) almond milk over a year ago and it drastically reduced my sweet cravings (I gave up gluten for several months too, but eat it now). I'm not sure why, but I was a HUGE milk drinker (like headaches if I didn't have enough, and several glasses a day). I'm thinking perhaps because milk has a hefty amount of sugar, the more sugar you eat, the more you crave… so maybe that's why. I'm not totally sure, but I'm not questioning it, as it's been a pleasant surprise. That said, I still KNOW how good the sweets taste so despite not craving them as much, I still will eat them knowing I like it (weird, kind of like how you're saying even if you're full… etc.).
Oh, also, and I hate this trick, brush your teeth a little bit after dinner to try to prevent yourself from snacking/sweet-ing, sometimes I do this and the effort kind of deters me from treating up.
that's an awesome tip! I only drink milk in my coffee actually, not a huge milk fan. You look amazing. I can't wait to get toned up again!
It is so admirable you stuck it out a full year to feed Harper the best food possible! Also, you were always stunning- pre-pregnancy, during pregnancy and post-pregnancy! Plus, about your sugar troubles, I always feel like you're speaking directly to me! I have the same woes… and I guess I should see a nutritionist, too. Wonderful post!!
Jenny
http://www.eversojenny.com
This is such a great post, Veronika! I love reading about other moms' experience with their babies, because there have been times recently when I felt so "blue" thinking about not nursing my daughter anymore. I would have liked to go on longer but her teeth were excruciating!!!! I felt like it was more painful than childbirth in a way, hahaha. But I'm also glad that you're talking about all these things, and good job pursuing a healthier lifestyle. It's not always easy but once you start to see its benefits it will be hard to stop. 🙂 And you're looking beautiful as always, so hope you're not too hard on yourself!
Oh and I don't know if I mentioned this before, but I hiiiiiiighly recommend yoga with Ali Kamenova on Youtube (my instructor fo' life!!!) and Leah Sarago's Ballet Body workouts!!! They're amaaaazing and so so so challenging. I think all these fitness routines have shaped my body a little more into that elongated look. IMO. 😀