This is incredibly cliche, but every single month, I find myself saying “this is my favorite age!” and the following month, I say it all over again.
I’m in awe of how much Harper is growing and learning right now–she’s such a happy, joyful and smart little girl. I don’t know if it’s my hormones going haywire or what, but I’ve been really emotional lately.
When Harper didn’t do much as a younger baby, I think that almost made dropping her off at daycare easier. I could justify in my mind that she would be sleeping a lot, etc. Now that she’s so interactive and can understand more…it’s incredibly difficult some days. She also started to cry almost every time I drop her off which has made it tough (even though she stops crying a minute after I leave). I think working outside of the home makes many mothers feel guilty, even when they enjoy what they do, but this stage is making it downright terrible some days.
There are days where I question myself having thoughts like “what the heck am I doing?!” and “she will never be this little again!” On my best days, I feel confident, happy and secure. On my worst days, I question if I made the right decision and wonder if I’m just doing it all wrong. I ask myself if I should just “take a few years off” but I quickly talk myself out of it because it simultaneously thrills and terrifies me. I know from talking to other moms that these feelings are completely normal…these mixed emotions are kind of par for the course when it comes to motherhood.
When we were in Toronto and we got to be out and about during the week, it felt so nice to have fun plans everyday. Going to the zoo, the aquarium, seeing friends, etc. I know that life as a SAHM isn’t all fun and games (and that it’s super hard and demanding) but it felt nice to plan my days how I wanted them and not have to worry about work, emails, upcoming projects, etc. It felt nice that I could just focus on one thing and it was incredible to watch Harper enjoy so many of those experiences.
Sometimes (okay, daily) I’ll peek-in on Harper using the daycare’s camera system (which I love) and I’ll see her hugging her teachers. I’m so thankful she likes them so much and that they are such wonderful caregivers, but once in awhile I’ll admit that it breaks my heart because I wish I was the one she was hugging on a random Tuesday at 11:52. Don’t get me wrong— I’m thrilled she hugs her caretakers and that she’s happy at daycare, but sometimes I just want to leave my office at noon and spend the rest of the day doing something fun with her…enjoying her as she is at “my favorite age.”
Harper has been going to sleep a bit later which is good because it means a little more time together in the evenings. She LOVES being outside so when it’s not blazingly hot out, we try to get a little outdoor time in. The other night we played with sidewalk chalk and just let her explore the outdoor area of our house.
I have highs and lows, like any mom who works outside of the home (or one that stays at home). Sometimes, it helps me to remind myself of the things I should be appreciative of. It brings me back to a good place when I’m having a tough week…
Thank you for sharing this. I feel the exact same way about everything you said and could have written this post word for word. On the hard days, I just push through. Last week was a hard week. I wanted to be at home with my son enjoying our summer together. But then I was reminded how he was having splash day at school and he was getting to play with his friends there. The next day he had soccer camp, etc. Being a working mom makes me cherish the times we are together. Our weekends revolve around family time. Sure I have a list a mile long of errands I need to run, house projects to work on, etc. but they can wait. So while people say, don't live for the weekends, most of the time I do. I live for those 2 days with my son and husband. On the hard days at work, I just tell myself I only have X amount of hours until I am with him. And I remind myself of all the reasons I choose to work (I love my job, I have flexible hours, financial freedom instead of financial stress, etc.).
GREAT post, Veronika! I'm a full-time working mom, too, and the "mom guilt" can be insane! And yes, every month I say the same thing, that THIS is my favourite stage (my son is 23 months).
You're doing a great job!
She is such a sweetie! Love that smile and her red hair is precious! 🙂
She is such a sweetie! Love that smile and her red hair is precious! 🙂
I can't tell you enough how many of the same thoughts I have. Before having my baby last year, I thought I would bounce right back into being an attorney, working the long hours, etc. Now, it's a daily struggle of guilt when I have to drop him off. ESPECIALLY, now that he's aware I'm leaving him and that he's so fun to be around. I've heard from working friends that it get's easier and I'm hoping that it's true. But I've also heard that the time away from them makes our time special since we've had the time to miss each other. Who knows 😉 Thank you for this post.
Hi V! Harper is simply adorable! I think you should really consider staying home with her…..I am a SAHM mom as well, but always knew I wanted to be one even though I got my Master's in psychology.There is not one day I regret my decision (or even think about my old job) and I can tell you are like me, someone who really cherishes every single moment and does not take anything for granted. I really think you need to think about what you will look back on and regret….was it leaving a job or not being home with Harper…..You can always go back to your field…in fact, when I left my job they were so nice to me saying I can always come back if I change my mind or need a part time job. Either way, you are a great mommy to Harper and if you choose to stay home with her it really is lots of fun (my princess is about a month older than yours).
Oh I forgot to say, the CEO of the company I worked for used to be a SAHM….so she was totally understanding…she too took the time off and now heads her company….so choosing to stay home is not the end all be all to a career:)
I have my "thought" to make being a working mom be ok. But sometimes… It's 100% guilt 🙁
Great post! I work outside the home and go through my checklist periodically of why I am doing what I am doing. It's hard to keep it in perspective sometimes! By the way, I am dying over Harper's gold shoes! They are SOOO cute!
Great post! I love that your mornings aren't rushed and you get to spend quality time with her, including breakfast! My work is flexible; and I'm so, so thankful for that, but my mornings. Holy moly. They're hella rushed! He's never fully awake as I change his diaper and his clothes while he's still drowsy and sleepy, then put him in his car seat where he continues to sleep and even during pass off when we arrive at daycare. =(
I work outside the home full time and I always feel guilty. My parents watch my son, but it still hurts to leave him every day. When I'm at work, I feel guilty for not being with him. When I'm with him (if I work from home or take a day off), I feel like I'm negelcting work. It's like no matter what I'm doing, I feel like I'm letting somebody down. But I can't justify walking away from a great job and then have the guilt that all the stress of providing for our family is now placed on my husband's shoulders. So I totally get it and reading your blog post really made me feel better knowing that I'm not the only one who struggles with these feelings.
I hate to say it, but I think it's going to get even harder! In my experience, the best years of my life have been while my kids are in the "preschool" age group. I've never been one that loves the baby stage but toddlers? LOVE them. My oldest is getting ready to start kindergarten in August and it makes me emotional to look back on my time as a SAHM, how incredibly lucky I was to be able to stay home with them. I went to college, got a bachelors, and it's hard to say whether or not I'll be able to jump back into a job doing what I went to school for. It's worth it, though, if you can swing it. The time you get with your kids just doesn't stack up with anything else. You are a great mom that treasures the time you have with her- and you give her everything! That's what's most important.
Ugh I wrote a big comment and then deleted it! Just wanted to let you know I really love this post. And it's totally normal to struggle with these things. You covered so much of why working is not a bad thing at all! I'd really recommend reading Lean In if you haven't yet! Covers some additional reasons why working is a good thing and how important it is to have a really involved spouse.
What a great post! I think every mom struggles with this, I know I do. I am SO thankful for the year of mat. leave we get in Canada… going back to work was one of the hardest things I've ever done! You are such a great Mom to Harper and I am certain you cherish the time you DO have with her 🙂 Mom guilt is such a bitch haha
I'm a sahm and have been since I had my eldest 6 years ago. My baby is now 13 months and I'm at the stage where a big part of me would like to get back to work, but I'm so torn. They are little for such a short time, it goes so fast, it really does. I thought your post was beautifully written.
This was a great post! I am a SAHM, and I cannot even imagine how difficult it must be to drop Harper off to daycare each morning. However, you clearly spend lots of quality time when you are with her, and you're a very involved parent and a loving mother. You're also setting such a great example for her with your work ethic. I absolutely love staying home with my children, but I definitely need the blogging and freelancing to keep me sane. 🙂
The Grass Skirt
Hi Veronika,
I'm a SAHM and let me tell you that I love it. You should be considering it!!! Money comes and goes, the stages of your child not.
The worst will be looking back and having regrets of missing lots of memories, time and fun with your daughter:(
Plus they don't get sick as much as they're in daycare!!!;)
Hi Veronika,
I'm a SAHM and let me tell you that I love it! Being able to be with my kids and not missing any stages and all of theirs first things. It's just a blessing!!! You should be considering it. Money comes and goes, the stages of your child not!!!
The worst thing is having regrets of missing memories, time and fun with your daughter:(
Plus, they don't get sick as much as when they go to daycare!!!!;)
Hi veronika,
I'm so sorry about your hard situation!!:(. I'm a SAHM and I'm love it!! I'm very grateful that I have the opportunity to do it. You should be considering it. Money comes and goes, the stages of your child not!!!
The worst thing is having regrets of missing all the memories, treasures time and fun with your child.
Plus, they don't get sick as much as they do when they go to daycare!!!;)
Hi veronika,
So sorry your dealing with this hard situation:(. I'm a SAHM and love it every second. Not missing any stages of my kids is just a blessings. Money comes and goes, the stages of your child not.
The worst will be having regrets of missing all the memories, treasures times and fun with your chil.
You should be considering it!!! Plus kids don't get sick as much as kids who go to daycare!!!;) you know that better;)
Is part-time work a possibility? That's my situation, and it's perfect for me. I still get to keep a foot in the work world while getting lots and lots of time with my two daughters. I LOVE my job, but my happiest times by far are when I'm with my girls. You're right– they're only this little once and I have to say that there's never a moment when I wish I would've stayed at my full time job (even though we've had to sacrifice financially). Everyone is different and, ultimately, whatever choice you make will be the right one for your family– Harper is getting a lot of love and attention and will be fine no matter what you do.
Oh gosh, I so understand how you feel. I adore my stressful, demanding, amazing job, and I couldn't imagine not providing for my family and enjoying the successes that I enjoy there. BUT – I often feel selfish for being a working mom, and that I miss out on things with Jaxson. He just turned 3, and this is the first year that I've had full peace that I am doing the right thing for him. He needs to be in school, he needs to be learning more than I am capable of teaching him, and he needs friends. It's important. Now, I'm not going to say that I don't struggle with the differences between my SAHM friends' social calendars and mine, because they are itching to get out of the house in the evenings and on the weekends, but I'm wanting to spend time with my son because I don't get that time during the week. I think it's hard no matter what you choose. You are doing a fantastic job and I know your precious little girl knows that!
P.S. Her legs in those those are the cutest things I've EVER seen!
I am also a SAHM. I don't think I'll ever for a second regret all the memories and time spent with my babies. Sure there are sacrifices (financially, not as many new clothes, one family trip per year as opposed to more, etc) but I feel happy we can make it work. You are doing a great job working and setting an example to baby Harper, you seem you balance it all well. I promise you will never look back and regret staying home though if you do decide ! It is the best because everyday is an adventure !
I saved this post to comment, but forget exactly what I wanted to say. So I just wanted to say,I enjoyed the post and that parenthood can be hard in anyway its shaped. All that matters is that our children are healthy, happy, and LOVED 🙂 Hope this wk is easier!
love this post. i don't have children yet, but my husband and i will hopefully start trying in the next year. financially – i would love to continue working. i just don't honestly think i could do it. it hurts to even think about. we are starting to prepare (financially) for me to be a SAHM.
This is such a great post. I can tell you that there is mom guilt whether you stay at home or go to work. I'm fortunate enough to work from home most of the week but I sometimes find myself envious of those who get to work outside of the home… and then I end up feeling guilty for thinking that. It's a vicious cycle for all moms, I think.