I wanted to give an update after the post I shared about my hospitalization for retained placenta and postpartum bleeding.
My OB called me this week with the results of the pathology report and it turns out that I actually experienced a very rare complication called placenta accreta that occurs when blood vessels and other parts of the placenta grow too deeply into the uterine wall. I had heard about it before because my boss at work had it with her last pregnancy, but it wasn’t until I google’d it that I really understood how dangerous and scary it is.
Perhaps the most difficult part of all is facing the reality that this condition will affect any future pregnancies and I will be considered high-risk and have to see a maternal-fetal-medicine specialist if I ever want to have another baby—and with that, there are risks, including having to have a hysterectomy or blood transfusion.
Some women get placenta accreta due to scarring after a c-section or other uterine surgery—none of which I’ve had. I also had none of the risk factors—it was completely random for me.
Fortunately, one of the world’s leading experts on placenta accreta works at the hospital where I delivered, so I will be meeting with him in the next 6 months or so to discuss the condition and a possible future pregnancy.
When they performed the D&C surgery they did find a piece of placenta, but it was very small, maybe 2 cm. I am not sure what this means in terms of the severity of my accreta, but that’s one of the things I plan to discuss with the specialist. It seems as though my situation was kind of odd because my bleeding didn’t begin to be severe until 5 weeks postpartum, and not immediately after delivery like most women with this condition who are unable to even deliver the placenta (mine was delivered fully and looked intact).
I am so thankful we have our sweet little Harper. We are blessed to even have one baby. But I have to admit that it’s a hard pill for me to swallow knowing that I may not be able to have another child (we wanted to have two) or that if I am able to get pregnant again, I may have a very complicated pregnancy and delivery and possibly have to have a hysterectomy. It’s just really scary to think about, especially because my pregnancy was smooth-sailing and I enjoyed being pregnant for the most part.
I don’t want anyone to feel sorry for me—like I said, we are so blessed to have a beautiful baby girl and she is absolutely the joy of my life. It’s just another shock to find out that something very dangerous was happening in my body. I am SO thankful that God protected me and the baby and that I did not experience some of the more severe complications that some women do when they have placenta accreta.
Knowing that complications may be in my future is kind of sad…but that’s something I’m tying not to think about too much right now. After all, I have a beautiful new baby to enjoy and bond with at home—and that in itself, in addition to causing so much happiness also causes a lot of worry and anxiety that all new parents experience. I think all of the unexpected things that happened after Harper was born have heightened my already worrisome nature, but I’m working on moving past it all and enjoying the time I have with her at home before I return to work. If you fellow moms have any tips on how to move past worrying about everything, please leave me a comment!
Thank you again to everyone who sent thoughts and prayers my way and wished for a speedy recovery. I feel much better now and I’m so thankful to be home and healthy.
Thanks for the update! Harper is so beautiful!! Still sending prayers your way, I know I would be scared about the unknown too. I am sure meeting with the specialist will help answer a lot of questions.
thank you so much 🙂
I'm sure you have anxiety, I think every mom does. It probably won't get much better, but you will deal with it better at some point, I promise! 🙂 Here's a little excerpt from a blog post I wrote when my daughter was almost a year old:
"One of my biggest struggles of parenting so far has been second guessing myself. I have never been a second-guesser. I would describe myself as a confident, in control person who has never had a problem making decisions and sticking with them, or taking the lead with the way I feel. I felt so absolutely out of place when this happened to me time and time again. Am I nursing her right? Is she getting enough milk? Did she have enough soiled diapers today? Maybe she is sick? Her nose is stuffy, does she have a cold? An ear infection? No. Yes? Will she sleep ok? Is she sleeping too long? A rash. It’s hives. No, it’s diaper rash? No, it must be measles. Can you get Chicken Pox this young? Did we get a vaccination for that? Should we really be getting vaccinations or are they too dangerous? Is putting my baby in daycare selfish? Should I be teaching her more? She seems behind- is something seriously wrong? She’s ahead, she must be a genius! Should I take her to the doctor for a. b. c. d. etc. etc., etc.?
You will lay on the floor next to her crib like a stone, listening, praying she doesn’t wake, and asking yourself a thousand questions about the day. You will. You will look at her while she’s sleeping and hope and wish and pray you are doing everything right for her and she’s happy. You will.I am still in this position on a regular basis. Although I have become more comfortable with this unsure feeling, I still second guess, revisit, and ask, ask, ask on things as I play them out in my head. We had previously discussed and decided on many of these things prior to Paisley arriving, or prior to them happening. You only know how you feel when it’s staring you right in the face. And you will surprise yourself with the path you take. My husband is very good about over-discussing things that we are unsure about and making decisions together. As long as you and your husband are in agreement, and you honestly feel you have done what you think is best, its right.
What you don't expect is that this little thing called love will consume you in a way that you have never imagined, and the way you expected it to be won't be and that's okay."
Best of luck, Veronika!
Dear Wendy—your comment definitely brought tears to my eyes! Thank you for the reassurance and support 🙂
V,
God has blessed you with such a beautiful child. It's safe to say that regardless of what path God has decided to put you on, your child is a great reminder of His love.
I'm not yet a mom, but can only imagine how scared you were when your OB/GYN spoke with you. The best thing I can do is send T&P your way.
Love,
Jen
thank you so much Jen 🙂
I had a placental abruption (which put me into early labor) so I sort of went through some similar things (with the gushing and passing of stuff). Mine was unexplained and they said it could or could not happen again (I'm "one and done" so it doesn't matter much for me…) I wish you the best, and hope the doc has positive news for you and future babies. 🙂
sorry for your complication and thank you for your well wishes!
Thanks for sharing. I have two little girls and I've learned that the worrying is just part of being a mom. I think like anything else in life, you have to find a balance and accept that you're just going to worry sometimes, but don't let it consume you (it sounds like you've figured that out). Honestly, when I feel like the worry is starting to consume me, I tell my husband, even if it seems silly, I just tell him that I know it's silly, but for some reason it (whatever it is) is really bothering me and I just need to talk it out. He's learned how I am and just talking about it with him will usually ease my mind a little. Sorry I'm rambling, I just wanted to say I know how you feel and you're not alone. You're a great mother and you're going to do a fantastic job!
Dearest Veronika,
Worrying and motherhood always go together. No matter how old your child is, you will always be worry about something. It's a sign that you're a good, caring and devoted mother.
Life is going to happen whether you worry about it or not. So make your main focus of the day to enjoy your beautiful, healthy baby Harper. These are the years you will always remember… when you were young, healthy, in love and a beautiful gift named Harper came to delight your life. Just enjoy the moment. It goes fast.
Children come to us in different ways. Some are born in our uterus and some are born in our hearts. Whichever children are in your future, they will come.
So sorry to hear about the diagnosis; how very scary. Easier said than done, try not to worry too much about the 'what if' of a possible next pregnancy. You don't want to bring yourself anxiety 🙂 It's amazing how worry kicks into high gear once you have a baby. Hello paranoia! I have asthma and a heart condition and everything I'd read prior to getting pregnant was that pregnancy would make them worse. I spent so much time worrying about it and how would I ever even deliver a child if I could barely breathe when I finally stopped and gave it up to God and asked that He take the worry and keep me safe. I had not one problem with either of them during my pregnancy 🙂
I am a champion worrier, believe you me so I completely understand worrying about the unknowns, especially when it comes to having kids 🙂 Here are a few scriptures that I've found comfort in regarding worry:
Matthew 6:25-27
Matthew 6:34
1 Peter 5:7
Glad to hear that you're on the mend and back home with your sweet girl 🙂
Veronika,
I have 3 girls, ages 7, 4 & 8 months. All C-sections. After my last baby, about 2 weeks postpartum I developed a very serious infection w/104 fever, I was hospitalized for 1 week, then my c-section incision opened. I had to go back to hospital and have another operation plus 1 more week in hospital. The obgym decided it was best to let the incision heal itself so they left it open. I had home health come to my house 3x a week to change the dressings for about 8 weeks. I was in so much pain & depressed because I could not enjoy and bond with my newborn. The obgyn told me that if I were to get pregnant again, it will most likely happen again & I would be considered high risk. I don't know what plans God has for me & my husband, but all I can say is that this experience has made me realize we take a lot for granted. Enjoy & take care of sweet Harper, once the time comes that you want another baby, God will give you answers. Don't stress or worry.
One of my favorite quotes is 'Don't miss the sun today worrying about the rain coming tomorrow.' I am a total worrier but have gotten much better (even with a 9 month old!). I could drive myself crazy thinking about every scenario but I just remind myself to live in the now and do the best that I can. Easier said than done, right?!
I'm sure God has the perfect story planned for you! Just gotta trust…
Harper is so beautiful!
Thank you for sharing such an emotional and personal story with us, you are so very brave and your little girl is lucky to have such an amazing mama!
I can only imagine how that would feel considering I'm actually trying at the moment with our first one to get pregnant. It's always been a fear of mine but god does everything for a reason. God bless you and thank u for sharing your stories they are truly inspirational.
Aww…I'm so sorry to hear this Veronica. Harper is such a beautiful baby and is growing so beautifully. Please don't worry too much. God has a plan for you and your lovely family!
Thanks for updating us on your journey!
Much love,
Kristen
awww, all of your photos of harper are so cute! i am sorry to hear about your complications & wish you all the best for your meeting with the specialist!
xo julesinflats.com
The worrying and anxiety will never go away now that you are a mom 🙂 but it might be more manageable with some therapy. Maybe give it a try? Cognitive Behavioral Therapy might be the right thing for you!
First of all, I can only imagine what you are having to deal with and yet you sound so positive. That is so important so keep it up! Second of all, I felt like you did after I had my little girl. I am a very relaxed person and I felt so anxious after I had a baby. I was constantly worrying. I think it is natural and normal. I also think hormones play a huge roll in that "extra" anxiety. My girlfriends and I all talk about how post partum depression is normal, but how come nobody talks about post partum anxiety. Mine eventually let up around 8 months or so. Probably when I had adjusted to becoming a mom and getting the hang of it, and had stopped breastfeeding because my milk supply ran out… ie. my hormones went back to normal. My advice is you just try to accept it and like another comment said, it's your life, it's your baby, and if your husband is a gem, over-discuss til you are blue in the face! It can't hurt!! You sound like you are doing everything right and I love reading your blog. Harper is a doll. Enjoy every moment… it goes by so fast!!! I'll keep my fingers crossed that you will be blessed with another baby and another healthy pregnancy. Best wishes.
Aw! I'm so sorry to hear this! I'm 5 months pregnant with my first baby and something like this sounds pretty scary! I hope you are feeling better now and everything works out for the better! Your little Harper is so beautiful and precious!
xoxo
Petchie
https://psblogbook.blogspot.com/
Sending prayers your way V! May God give you peace of mind. That is a lot to go through considering you just had your lil angel. Having a baby comes with worry. Best thing is to surround yourself with other moms who have been there/done that. It really helps! And prayer! Don't forget God was the one that gave you this precious human being to take care of. He will give you the strength to get through all of it. And one more thing, every child is different. I remember in the beginning I was comparing Masha to other babies, but I quickly realized how crazy it was.
Stay strong V! Love all your new posts!
Luba
I'm so sorry to hear about your complications! It must be very difficult to think about but it's great that you are being positive about the whole situation. Having a child is a beautiful thing and a miracle so of course it can't always be a walk in the park (if it ever is). Keep your chin up!
my myStorey
That sounds scary. I am sorry you are dealing with that :-(.
As far as the maternal fetal specialist goes, I had to see one throughout my recent twin pregnancy (twins are typically automatically considered high risk). It was actually nice to have a second doctor (or team of doctors) looking out for me and the babies the whole time, and an added bonus was that I got to have ultrasounds and peeks at the babies all the time. My best friend jokes that if I ever have another baby, I will be shocked at how little they monitor singleton pregnancies. It stinks to worry about a condition like that, but it is great to have a specialist on the case.
I hope everything works out for you and that you are able to have more beautiful babies. Good luck with your appointment!
I'm so sorry you had to experience all of this! You seem to have a really positive attitude though, and I think that is a great thing!
I am totally a worrier myself, and the best thing I can do is to remind myself that God is truly in control and that worrying only robs me of my joy in the present!
Thinking of you and saying some prayers for you too!
Dear Veronica,
So sorry about what happened and wishing you all the best.
As to the worry, I know everyone says that you will worry forever from now, which doesn't help…but there is a difference – you may worry but anxiety will ease. I had terrible anxiety after my baby was born but while I still worry about things, it is not even close to what it was like, and she is still only 6.5 months. So, there is a light at the end of the tunnel, I promise. There is still a lot if unknowns know but it will get better the more you get into a routine and bond with your baby. You will feel more in control and while you may worry, anxiety will ease.
Cheers,
Anastasia
Your baby is healthy! You are healthy! Relish everyday because any number or combination of events could have resulted in a different outcome. When you start to worry, turn it around to appreciating how fortunate you are and marvel at that! Also, as far as future pregnancies go, you aren't planning to do that tomorrow so tell yourself you will worry about that when that day comes. Make an appointment to worry about future pregnancies for later, right now you have a sweet little girl to love! Lucky you! And hey, give yourself a break; you just had a baby!
Veronica, I am sorry to read what had happened to you, but happy that Harper is well. Placenta problems are unpredictable and can be very serious. Don't let it stop you from future pregnancies if you chose to do it again. You will just have to monitored more. My daughter was born at 23 weeks last year and is doing great today. I hemorrhaged at 17 weeks for the first of 4 times because of 100% placenta previa (which I believe was caused by 3 prior c-sections) that turned into accrea . After she came home from 121 days in the NICU, I wrote a memoir called "From Hope To Joy" about my life-threatening pregnancy and my daughter's 4 months in the NICU (with my 3 young sons at home), which will be published this summer. Please see my website:
http://www.fromhopetojoy.com
and subscribe.
http://www.twitter.com/jenniferdegl
http://www.facebook.com/jenniferdegl
Thank you and good luck to you!
It is sooo good to read that your are doing well. Who knew that so many things could go wrong or upset your body well after giving birth. I did not experience what you're going through, my issue was bf and all the complications and illness that can come with that. So many friends would tell me that after the three month mark is when things start to cool down and get easier. I have to say, in my case, they were right. I am a huge worrier, even before my daughter, shockingly that will ease over time(thank goodness). I agree with Amastasia,the worry will be there, it's the anxiety that will ease. Let me tell you, it only gets better and better from here. I hate this has come about, however, I am so happy that it sounds like you have an amazing Specialist and an exceptional family support surrounding you. I will continue to pray, pray, pray for you and your family 🙂
Thank you for sharing that with us Veronika. I wish you the best!
Veronika, you are so strong for being able to even post about this! I didn't mention in my birth story, but with the abruption I had, it unfortunately puts me at a higher risk for it to happen again. I'm still having a hard time grasping that (God willing) the next time around will be much more anxiety ridden and high risk. My mom and I cried for weeks every time we thought about the danger Weeks was in, and also cried in happiness for how lucky we were God kept both of us safe for the pregnancy and delivery. We need a support group girl! Time does seem to give some perspective, if even a little bit. And loving on your sweet baby is the best medicine. Xoxo
Prayers to you and your family, Veronika. I hope speaking with the specialist will help ease your mind a bit. I am a worrier, like you, and had crazy anxiety after I had my daughter. We had some issues when she was first born, and my fear that the same issues will repeat themselves with another baby stays with my 24/7. I believe you have said you sometimes see a therapist- perhaps you can speak with him/her? I do think that hormones play a huge role in post-pregnancy anxiety. My daughter is 16 months, and I feel much better than I did when she was first born. So, hang in there! Concentrate on the positive and try to let go of what is out of your control!
I'm sorry you had to go through all that, yet all the emotions and concerns you have right now are certainly normal and warranted. It's good that you're working through them and processing them. Fortunately, for the immediate time being, you don't have to worry about those things just yet and can enjoy your sweet baby and simply relish her presence. In due time, you'll feel strong enough to tackle your health concerns and forge a plan for what the future may hold.
I have a quad mom friend who had this during her entire pregnancy. She spent much of her abbreviated pregnancy (none of us quad moms ever get past the early 30 weeks) in the hospital attached to an IV of blood. It was hard and dangerous and every day held the possibility of things going very, very wrong. I laid in that hospital bed of my own at Memorial Hermann, down the street from where you delivered, for 57 days trying desperately to stay calm and reach 24 weeks, the quads first point of viability. While there, I heard and talked to many other moms who came through L&D—most with singleton pregnancies and so many with complications and other challenges to overcome. Pregnancy is hard enough and so many of them are very tricky. I know God has a plan for you just as he does for all the rest of us, and it doesn't always make sense why we have to go through the things we do sometimes, but I suppose that's why it's called blind faith.
Wishing you the very best in the coming months as you transition into a firmly found role of motherhood. You are doing a fantastic job!
Thank you so much Amber 🙂 You're right, now is just the time to enjoy Harper and I can worry about the future late when I'm ready to face it.
Have a great Sunday!
-V
I'm so sorry you have this to worry about 🙁 But Harper is gorgeous and clearly 100% worth it! She's going to be a redhead, I'm so jealous on behalf of my Yvette (her dad is a redhead, too, but it's looking like she got my brown hair).
As a pediatric nurse and high risk pregnancy, bedrest at 29 weeks, 32 weeker, and 4 weeks in the NICU it's safe to say I've had some high anxiety moments. I work with children that have cancer….so, I've had to learn/make myself not worry. Otherwise, all I'd do is worry and then I'm missing out on William and all his wonderfulness!!!! You just have to live life and trust. You live in a town with one of the top medical centers in the world. You're in good hands. 🙂
Veronica, I also had retained placenta & dealt with a major haemorrhage directly after my son's natural birth. It was terrifying & I am lucky that I am here today. I had no risk factors as well & am also wondering how a subsequent pregnancy would work. The only thing that we can do is take it day by day. Enjoy your lovely little one!
This is my first comment on your blog, which I love by the way! I had a similar traumatic thing happen, PPCM – peripartum cardiomyopathy. Its a rare form of pregnancy-induced heart failure that seemingly randomly happens to some women – I am currently enrolled in a study to help doctors find out why and how this disease works. It is life threatening, and I actually got the 'you could die if you have another baby talk' from my (many) doctors. It is so very sad, but also makes you feel so very extra happy to have your little girl (mine just turned 1!). Its true that every day just gets better and better . . . wait until she says MA MA! 🙂 Here is my story if you want to read it :). Sometimes it helps to know you are not alone! Best wishes to you! https://www.goredforwomen.org/wearredday//donate/advocatedonationform.html?kwoAdvocateId=5I8JZK5
Just have faith. If God chooses to bless you with only child then there is nothing standing in your way.
:::hugs:::
I had to have 2 D&C surgeries postpartum. I don’t think that I had accreta, but I was readmitted for a blood transfusion 6 days after my baby was born and I ended up having 2 blood transfusions a D&C, and then had a second D&C at 8 weeks postpartum. I.was.terrified. And I’m still not ready to think about doing this again and even scarier, potentially not being here to watch my sweet Lucy grow up. Like you, my husband and I would like to have more children, but I am terrified now of this happening again and what it might mean for my future fertility. If you have any advice for me or about how you were able to check your future fertility, I’d love to hear it!
Hi Abby! Prior to becoming pregnant again, I met with a specialist to discuss my subsequent risk. I did end up having a second accreta, but I knew what to look for the second time. It was still terrifying, but I felt better knowing I could get the right care.
I would consult with an MFM (maternal fetal medicine specialist) and see what they say about risks with subsequent pregnancies.