I have been wanting to write this post for a very long time and have just now had a chance to sit down and do it. About six months ago, I was having a tough time with many aspects of my life and after a particularly grueling vent session with my friend, she gave me something that changed my life and how I think about negativity and criticism.
She gave me a CD, with a sermon by Joel Osteen called “Know What to Ignore.” I remember putting it on in my car the moment she handed it to me and crying all the way home as I listened to it. Then I listened to it again…and again and again. It’s amazing how a close friend sometimes knows exactly what you need to hear. That sermon changed me and I want to share it with you because it impacted my life so greatly.
I know some people aren’t religious so I’m taking out most of the biblical/scripture references from this sermon and extracting the amazing advice from it in hopes that it will help you too.
On fighting battles that don’t matter:
- If you get in there and fight that battle—all you’re doing is wasting your valuable time and energy that you should be using to pursue your dreams
- You can let [people’s comments or actions] upset you or you can dismiss it and say “I don’t have to have their approval, I have almighty God’s approval”
- It’s very freeing when you realize you don’t have to fight every battle, pay every person back or win over all of your critics—you can ignore it and live life happy—we could enjoy life more if we could learn what to ignore.
- I’ve learned this principle–I don’t waste my time engaging in battles that don’t matter—I’ve learned the critics can’t keep you from your destiny—what they say about you doesn’t define who you are—what someone does or doesn’t give you doesn’t determine your value.
- Don’t waste your valuable time trying to win over your critics—you have to accept the fact that some people are never going to celebrate you or be for you. But don’t worry—-God has already lined up the right people that will celebrate you, cheer you on and help you fulfill your destiny.
- Some people, no matter what you do, are never going to be for you. Even if you changed and met all their demands and did everything they asked they would still find something that you’re doing wrong. You could go buy them a brand new Cadillac and hand them the car keys and they’ll say they wanted a Lexus. They’ll overlook the good and find some kind of fault.
- If someone tries to make you look bad—stay on the high road—the more they talk, the more God will bless you.
- When people belittle you, they are being little— small minded people won’t celebrate you—small minded people will be jealous and gossip and try to make you look bad—don’t ever fight battles with small minded people.
- You have to know that not everyone is not going to be for you, but you shouldn’t waste your time trying to convince them
- There is an anointing on your life to be YOU—when you allow people to squeeze you into their mold and you bow down to their pressures and you try to please all of your critics, it takes away your power, it takes away your uniqueness and it lessens God’s favor on your life.
- If you’re’ going to do anything great in life, there will be critics, there will be opposition and people that judge you—I’ve heard it said “if you get kicked in the rear, it’s because you’re out at front.”
- Tell yourself: “I will not give up because someone’s talking about me. I will not get discouraged if people don’t celebrate me.”
- Life is too short to be upset because someone’s talking about you.
- We don’t have time to sit around and think about all of the people that don’t like us—everyday is a gift—our time is much too valuable to try to figure out how we can please everybody or pay someone back. Go out during the day, be your best and let the chips fall where they may.
- Quit dwelling on the negative things people have said about you—all that’s going to do is poison you and you’ll become defensive. You have to be so secure in who God made you to be that those comments bounce off of you like water on a duck’s back.
- Jesus didn’t respond to his critics—he paid them no word. He didn’t try to explain himself, he just stayed focused and ran his race.
- The whole key is to not get distracted—it’s easy to try to fight every battle or pay every person back—you have to ask yourself, if you get involved and you do win the battle—what is the prize? Is it going to advance you further? Or is it just a distraction that is going to steal your time and energy. The energy we spend fighting battles that don’t matter is energy we don’t have to pursue or God-given dreams and goals.
- When someone is pestering you—don’t be a crow—be an eagle, rise above it, don’t let it bother you—rise higher.
- The more success you have, the more opportunities there will be for distraction—here’s why the higher you go, the more haters will come out—if you stretch beyond the norm, the naysayers and critics will come out of the woodwork and judge you and make negative comments. Say “I will not be distracted, I will not be drawn into a battle that doesn’t matter, I will not let the poison of the critics get on the inside.”
- Ignore their comments, ignore their critical spirits, ignore the naysayers, they don’t control your destiny, God does—they are distractions to try and keep you from God’s best.
- People tell me “well Joel if he just would stop talking about me I wouldn’t be so stressed!” Can I give you a news flash? If he stops talking, someone else will start talking—someone’s always talking about us, we just don’t realize it—-don’t let it bother you—after all God knows what they’re saying.
- Spend your energy being the best that you can be and God will send the right people down your path that do celebrate you
- If you stay focused on what they’re saying about you—before long that poison will get on the inside and you’ll end up fighting a battle you were never supposed to fight.
- Some of you need to break free—you’re not anointed to keep everyone happy, you’re anointed to run your race.
- My personality type is to want everyone to like me—I used to do everything I could to convince people that I really am nice and that you really should be my friend…but one day I realized that was keeping me from rising higher—I spent all of my time and energy trying to win people over—some of them which were never going to be for me. I had to accept the fact that not everyone is going to like me and not everyone is going to understand me.
- I’m all for treating every person with respect and being kind and considerate but don’t waste your time and energy trying to win people over that will never be for you— don’t waste one ounce of your valuable energy trying to convince them to like you.
- I just ran my race with focus, with purpose, with integrity and I saw more of God’s favor on my life
I must admit, I did used to get upset about negative comments and when people would criticize me online. I used to feel like I had to fight that battle “they don’t know me! “I’m a good person!” “I wish they could meet me and then they’d see I was a nice person!” Not caring about those negative comments anymore set me free. I was able to come to a point where I could ignore or laugh at a mean comment—and sometimes, I am truly saddened by them. I feel sad sometimes at how unfulfilled someone’s life must be if they spend their time and energy trolling online just to post something negative.
A lot of people have been surprised at how well I deal with criticism. I can truthfully say that this sermon is what changed everything for me. I realized it wasn’t worth spending my time and emotional energy on battles that were NOT worth my time. It wasn’t worth fueling the fire and responding to my critics. I accepted that not everyone will be for me and that that was OKAY. No matter how good of a person I try to be, not everyone has to like me. A year ago, I couldn’t think that way. Now, I just delete rude comments without a second thought (unless they’re funny, then I’ll laugh before deleting it.)
I’m not saying I’m never hurt by anything anyone says about me. Sure, it’s disheartening to read something online that is a lie or when someone tells me I sound like a “mindless drone” in my videos and that “I should stop making them” (true story!)…but what I’m saying is that I no longer let it affect me for more than a second. I take it in and it goes in one ear and out the other. I don’t dwell on it. I don’t try to change myself to make others happy. I am true to who I am and someone can either like me or not.
Thank you for reading.
xoxo,
Veronika.
PS— what words of encouragement or quotes have inspired your life? Let me know in the comments below!
Disclaimer: I occasionally attend services at Lakewood Church. I am not trying to promote any religion or impose religion onto anyone. I’m simply sharing some messages that I found to be inspirational.
Wow, Veronika, thank you for posting this!
I was actually *just* praying about something like this no more than an hour ago. I was telling God that I was tired of watching all of these people who are no good succeed and then I just sit here and feel like all I do is fail. I felt like He was telling me to stop focusing on others so much and that He has my destiny in His hands if only I'll just let Him work it out in me.
This has been such confirmation for me! And whether you're religious or not, you're right – it's just plain good advice. I feel like so many people spend an inordinate amount of time tearing others down, just to make themselves feel higher for a small amount of time. It truly isn't worth it to waste time or energy on that type of people.
The one mantra that I've been running around in my mind for the last several months – especially now that I have a big life change coming up w/ having a baby – is that it's okay to evaluate the friends/people in your life and if someone is toxic, just get them out of there. There's no need to hang onto negativity. It doesn't help you, and it doesn't help that person either.
Anyway, thank you again for sharing!
Great post, V. I for one love Joel Osteen and what he has to say because I think his words cross the entire spectrum of religions and even no religion at all. His words are just positive and uplifting and I love that about him.
Thanks for this post 🙂
Thanks for your comment Amanda 🙂 I think we do waste so much time worrying and thinking about what others think and do (especially when it impacts us negatively) and it's not worth it.
Thank you Veronica, for writing/sharing this. I REALLY needed to read this. It was only last week I was in a "battle" from blogger to twitter and ppl that have never commented on my blog or view it from afar attacked me and accused me of being someone I'm not over a diff of opinion and comment i made. It was awful.
I can't fathom anyone writing you anything bad, I love your posts and beauty tips and such. But, as I have learned, people do love to hate others for no real reason..AHH.
Stay the way you are. Hugs!
Veron – you're amazing. I don't think you know how many people you help/inspire.
xo
maja
Thank you, Veronika. This post really hits home. I've been struggling with this for a while now. I can't wait to listen to the sermon.
thanks maja and cmae 🙂
anon—you should be able to purchase it online—i know they have it in the store at Lakewood because that is where my friend bought it.
I love your post and your vlogs! Thanks for sharing these positive words!
THANK YOU VERONIKA! This is exactly what I needed to hear! This was a brave and empowering post. Because of your post, I am going to go and get the Joel Osteen cd because I have struggled with ignoring the haters for a while now! I love you're blog because it is SO MUCH MORE than a fashion/beauty blog. You really handle yourself with class and poise and that is why I am a reader!
thank you so much Liz Anne. I wanted to share this because it was life changing for me and I think it's a shame not to let others know about this empowering sermon. I think the CD comes in a set but I'm not sure…
This is a great post Veronika. I love reading inspirational quotes and I know that there are a lot of points in there that I can learn from.
I don't know how I would deal with critics that can get so personal but you seem to have a great outlook on it. Keep it up girl!
Hey Veronika, I always read your blog but don't comment much but had to say that his is a great post, it is so true! I find it weird when someone criticizes people who blog or do videos, there are millions of things on the internet, why comment that you don't like something on there (change the blog you are reading instead!). So you can't listen to criticism cause its them not you, and it is great you have found something to remind you and us readers not to focus on the negativity 🙂
This is such a wonderful post V…I've always admired how honest you are…it's one of the qualities I love most about you. One way I've avoided the negativity in the blog space, is to not allow anonymous commenters. I just think, if you have something to say, at least put a name to it. In real life though…I do want people's approval and it can be hard to let the negativity go. I'll reference this post often for inspiration. Thanks again for the thoughtful insight.
natasha—thank you for your very kind comment 🙂 you are too sweet! I am so glad I finally typed all of this up—I still keep the CD in my car and listen to it once a month or so.
This is amazing! Thank you so much for posting this! I really needed this
Good post. The part about being distracted by winning small battles in particular strikes a chord with me.
You know, I originally came across your blog via the Nest. I stopped visiting that site a long time ago tho, one of the main reasons being that I couldn't take the cattiness on the boards any longer. I thought of sending you some little words of encouragement once or twice back then, but I don't think I ever did. I'm glad you don't let it get to you & admire that you've kept on despite the negativity. Thanks for sharing. 🙂
This was an incredibly powerful post. Thank you so much for writing it. 🙂
-Yasi
sshaw—ahh yes, the nest. I actually like a lot about that community but it also had its downsides. I just remind myself that it doesn't matter what anyone thinks except for my family members and friends. At the end of the day, anonymous people who feel the need to be negative online don't have a place in my mind. In one ear and out the other 🙂 People can think whatever they like about me—it doesn't make it true and doesn't define who I am 🙂 I have to remind myself of that!
That is such a really great post! And it shows so much truth! I do think that the more success people have the more they are in the spotlight and therefore the more people talk about them and maybe even out of jealousy say negative things to try and tear them down. Especially in a leadership position a people pleasing person such as myself had to learn the hard way that you can't please all of the people all of the time and it can be very stressful on yourself. I wish I had readthis years ago I think it would have had an impact on past experiences but you live and you learn and you grow. These are true words of wisdom! Amen girlfriend !
Thank you for posting this! I'm going to bookmark it to read over on days when I'm feeling like I need a reminder!
Good job, who cares! I say who gives a *@!& what people say, they are just jealous. If you don't waste your time caring, they realize they wasted their time trying to make you care! Keep up the good work!
– Sara
For anyone who wanted to check out the original (religious) version 🙂
I needed this right now. Thank you 🙂
Awesome post! This in a way reminds me of the law of attraction. If you ever get a chance, check out the book, The Power of your Subconcious Mind by Joseph Murphy. Pretty uplifting book!
Hello Veronika! I absolutely adoreee your blog. I had some A-HA moments reading this post as Oprah would say. That is so powerful and true. It's almost like once we stop caring about the negativity, we are set free.
Thanks for sharing <3 xo
Thanks for posting this. I've read some Joel Osteen and I like the way he gives real life examples. He's an awesome preacher.
Hi V. thanks for posting this strong message. I'm also in the same position as Carmen Austin (a previous comment) and leadership leads a lot to the situation that you have to take difficult decisions and then live with all the feedback they will incite – and listen (or even sensing) bad atmosphere or nagging in my team would tear me down. This post is a great lesson and I'll come back for it again, for sure!
Keep up with your elegance and honesty!
I'm from Germany and not baptized cuz my parents don't believe in god.
i spent a year in the states (07/08) and attended church from time to time.. It really did help me a lot but i have to say that church in the states was way different then going to a german service.
well long story short:
i really did appreciate the services and i did also appreciate your post.
THANKS VERONICA for sharing this with us!
<3
thank you so much for sharing this post..its exactly what i need at the moment. always feelin not good enough and never meet people expectations. there are some critics that`s just critics..they`re just not helping you to improve but only to take you down.. this is what i need to read and to start learn to be more confident and trust my own judgment. thak you for sharing this 🙂
Seriously fantastic message and one that is so easy to forget when you are in the thick of it! Thanks for the uplifting message!!
Chelsea (www.hautechildinthecity.com)
I really needed this so thank you! xx
I love this! I need to do this with my in-laws lol.
If you listen ONLY to the good, you will never grow as a person. Sometimes the "negative" things people say are the truth. People only want to believe what makes them feel good. It's a lot easier to think that people that don't agree with you live unfullfilled lives and are jealous then to really look at yourself in the mirror and think " okay, maybe they are right." It takes a very secure, strong person to do that.
@anon— I agree with you—we can't only listen to the good in life because no one is perfect and everyone can improve. I have taken a lot of crisicism about my blog and have made changes that were suggested to me…and of course, the same goes for other areas of life like work reviews.
My point isn't to say ignore every criticism someone dishes out, my point is that some of those critics are not worth your time. If someone provides constructive feedback, that's one thing—if someone makes rude comments or comments that are vulgar and meant to be hurtful—that is another.
For the record, I don't think anyone is "jealous" of me. But I do there there are critics out there who are not worth my time and energy so now I just ignore them.
It does take a strong person to take in criticism and then try to change for the better—but I am willing to bet that someone who tells me I "sound like a mindless drone" and that I should "stop making videos," for example, is not trying to help me. If they were trying to help me, they could say "I wish you would smile more or be more expressive in your videos." That is feedback I can appreciate.
I think they are just being blunt. They said it that way because some people don't and can't sugarcoat words. I think it's just as mean to say that these people are unfullfilled and small minded when you really don't know them. When you say something like that , you come across like you think you are above them and it is very condescending. If what these people were saying didn't bother you and was not true, you would not have to talk about what they said and not have to do a post like this. When something truly does not bother someone, they just let and go and never think or talk about it again.
anon—did you read my post? I said I am sharing this because it helped me. I used the "mindless drone" as a recent example of something I don't find to be constructive not because I'm upset about it, it's the only recent example I could think of, because to be honest, I don't get that much negative feedback on my blog anymore.
I also pointed out that I used to be bothered by these kinds of comments and that I used to dwell on them. I'm not claiming that they never bothered me. Now, I just deal with them in a different way.
I posted this to help others who are maybe struggling with this in their life. There are some battles in life that ARE worth engaging in—and others that are not. I'm simply making the argument that not every critic is worth your time and energy.
I never comment on blogs, I don't have a blog, but I do enjoy reading them. I do not understand why any person would leave negative comments. Why don't they just click that little x at the top of the screen and stop reading if they don't like it. People with negative comments are mindless and miserable. And why do people post annonymous comments? Are they afraid? I guess I just don't understand why there is so much hatred and negativity. But your post is great and these are great words to live by!
Ronna—I feel the same way. If you have something to say—say it with integrity and use a real name. If you are not ashamed of what you're saying, then say it like you would say it in real life, in front of someone's face.
A lot of people post under "anon" because they have street smarts. When you post your real name and picture, everyone knows who you are and can track down where you live and a whole bunch of other stuff about you. So, you may think you have "integrity" because you put all your info out there, but I don't think it's very smart.
anon—I am not asking people to post their first and last name. I am asking that people simply use a name.
Veronika,
I think you have to understand that not everyone is as perfect as you. I mena, in your whole 28 years, you have never said anything behind anyone's back, anything negative, or have never posted under "anon" on a board. I just wish I could be a higher level human like you!
Actually, you said that you want people to use a "real" name. My H is a cop and tells me you can find out everything about someone just from that!
yes, if you real name is ashley, put your comment as "ashley"
thank you for this V! I did not take this the way anon is saying. I took this as a way to help me with my nasty family who is not supportive and who don't even practice good manners. For a very small example they recently came to my new house and instead of saying "this is so cute" or "wow you did a good job" they spent their time there pointing out wherever my husband missed a piece of trim or maybe a dirty spot on a baseboard. The house is not perfect but I swear they couldn't say even just one positive thing. They would probably fall over and die if they said one positive that had anything to do with me. I feel like I continually struggle to let go of pleasing them or even to 'earn' a positive comment from them. What I am very very slowly learning is that these are their issues…they will never validate me or even just be plain nice and I need to let go of trying to win their approval. It is a giant waste of time and I wouldn't even chose these people to be my friends. I am just stuck with them because they are family. I want you to know that I am THANKFUL you shared this and I have already read it a million times. Thank you V!
Brooke
Also for what it is worth I really enjoy following your blog and look forward to your posts!!
@anon—I am not perfect and I don't claim to be. I have said and done things I am not proud of many times in my life.
We are all human and it is human to err. No one is perfect and we've all said and done things that are not righ. That is not the point of this post. The post is about learning what kinds of battles are worth your time and which ones aren't.
I do not anonymously post on any type of forum.
@brooke—that is exactly the kind of real-life example I am talking about, so thank you for sharing that. This post is meant to teach people that there are times where it is not worth engaging. If your family feels the need to nit-pick every single corner of your home, the best thing you can do is to ignore it. You know you worked hard on it, you know it looks good and makes your house feel like a home—that is what matters—not that a piece of your trim is not perfectly painted. Ignore it and it will set you free from caring what they think.
Do you have a problem with people that post "positive" comments under "anon"?
Most people who post positive comments under anon leave a name in their post at the end. I think people should use their real first name regardless of the content of their post. Just how I feel 🙂
V I found you through the nest. Most people are nice on there, but it amazes me how women bring each other down over there. Or everybody is perfect (so they think). But I am thankful for the nest because I found you and a lovely group of ladies whose blogs I follow, including you. You can't let the haters get you down. They are critical because there is something in their life they are not happy with and are jealous.
It amazes me at how much energy people must use up to post online crappy comments. How do they have time for all that? Just keep doing what you are doing. I know I enjoy your blogs and postings. 🙂
@wendy—thanks for your comment 🙂
Just as a general comment about being anonymous online, a lot of people use statcounter and similar software on their blogs and websites. These programs track IP addresses and if that IP address is linked to the place you work, that information is avialable.
I know where a lot of users are posting from(this includes banks, schools, private businesses, etc). It records where the person comes from (if they came from another site like facebook or another blog) exactly what kind of activity they do on your blog (use the search bar, use the comment form, click through to another blog from my blog, etc) and it records what time every single action is done at.
People say negative things about me all the time. I don't think they are jealous and that they are miserable in their lives. That is there opinion. It may be wrong. It may be right. Like I said in a previous post, It's a lot easier to think that everyone that says something you don't like is a hater, unhappy, or jealous, than to fix yourself.
@anon—but I don't think that. I have been very adament about saying that I do not think people are jealous of me, even when it has been suggested to me by others.
I do maintain that someone should spend their time more valuably than reading content they don't like/they don't get anything from and then writing someone a comment that is rude. Why spend the time? I prefer to spend my time reading things I do like.
I have fixed things about myself—one of them is to stop caring so much what others think 🙂
The other thing I have fixed is to stop using that darn highlighting that I used to use on my blog. People hated it and I was stubborn about it…and down the line I realized how distracting it looked and I stopped doing it. I definitely appreciate when people send me feedback that lead me to make a positive change 🙂
anon- yes you are correct. some people are just flat out bitches. it's a 50/50… its either your issue or maybe it is their issue. this post is about when it's their issue and you still can't please them and get hung up on it. this isn't really that hard. people just say 'oh their jealous" or " oh theyre unhappy" because its an easy explanation as to why someone would spend so much time on being negative towards another person when it shouldn't matter as long as no one is in danger. Veronika did not do a giant hair flip and say "oh everyone's jealous of me i am so perfect" give it up.
brooke
@brooke—you are right—this post is about how to overcome some obstacles when other people in your life seem to constantly try to bring you down.
This is not meant to be me saying I'm perfect. I have never once said that because it's not true at all. I am very far from it. However, this post is about learning to ignore some things in life before they consume you—it's not healthy for anyone to live in a way where they let others dictate how they feel and how they act.
This is a fantastic post! I have been following you for awhile and "know" of you from the nest's F&B page. (I haven't been on that site in forever though!) I remember some of the crap you would get there and I just never got it. Don't people have better things to do with their life?
One of my favorite quotes if from Eleanor Roosevelt: "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
I have been a faithful follower of your blog for over a year now and I think this is the first time I've left a comment!
I commend you for not letting people get to you. Anytime you think they may, just think of all the peoples lives who you have changed in a positive way. They are definately not worth it!
My favorite quote was sent to me by my dad in an email like 3 years ago. I've never forgotten it
:
If you get a chance, take it.
If it changes your life, let it.
Nobody said this would be easy,
they just promised it would be worth it.
Taking things personally and wanting everyone to like me is something I've struggled with my entire life. I've found the section "Don't Take Anything Personally" in the book "The Four Agreements" by Miguel Angel Ruiz to be particularly helpful.
I also love the quote by Walt Whitman: "Re-examine all that you have been told… dismiss that which insults your soul." -Walt Whitman
Good for you on sharing this. I think it's great that you can use the platform you have to honor God. As a fellow Christian I want to encourage you to not be afraid to post the Word of God if you do another post like this. The people that would be offended will be offended no matter what you say about God- scriptures or not. Besides, what's more important- what our Lord thinks of the work you've done for Him on this earth or the opinions of strangers? Don't worry so much about the audience who may be offended, but more about how God would like to be honored :). Thinking about that helps me a lot with decisions and priorities. I hope it makes sense to you and helps you in your life. Take care and thanks for your posts, love your blog!
Hi Veronika,
Thanks so much for this post. I'm currently going through some battles of my own. I'm also like you, wanting to be excepted and to be liked my whole life. I'm not religious by any means, but after reading and watching the clip, I totally agree with his sayings and concepts. Thanks so much for bring this to light and it's just exactly what I needed to read/hear to keep me on my path.
P.S. I think you are absolutely awesome! Love your blog and your videos. Keep up the great work! I look forward to reading/watching more.
Wonderful post, God is so good! A beautiful soul is much more desired then beautiful make-up or clothes. Thank you for posting this!
-Melissa
https://intellection7.blogspot.com/
woww! Veronika! I cried all the post long when I was reading, it was really really really what I need to hear ..I think it was also a part of my destiny TO READ THIS POST EXACTLY THE DAY I NEEDED! thanks with the all of my heart..
I have to comment on the person who said something to the effect of, "you come off like you are better than everyone else". My whole life people, even some close friends and family, have said that can have an attitude that makes me seem like I think I'm better than everyone or at times judgemental. Nothing has bothered me more than that! Maybe you do "seem" like you are better than everyone else, but it's just the way you talk and present yourself (much like me) in a very matter-of-fact tone. I learned that if people think I'm judging or being condescending that it's because they are internally reflecting judgement on themselves because there is no way anything I do really IS judgemental or condescending! That's why it's so frustrating. I'm just me being me. Love it or leave it! And I think you have to keep on being you, and if people don't like it then they can stop VOLUNTARILY watching or VOLUNTARILY reading your blog. Why someone would seek out a blog for reasons of non-constructive critisism and/or bashing is so strange to me. I don't have time for that behavior…and neither should you! =) I say, take the good with the bad, and throw away the unecessary. I like your blog and I think it's fun (okay, maybe not this topic) and if I didn't, I wouldn't read it. And I get your point: not to turn away or dismiss critism, but to turn away and dismiss the really ugly, mean stuff. Keep it up!
thanks so much Erin! your last sentence is exactly how I feel 🙂
Great post! I'll have to watch the whole sermon when I get a chance! Thanks for sharing and being so open:)
Great post, thanks!!!! 🙂
i just recently found you blog (love it!) and felt the need to comment. this is such a great post. i struggle with this all the time. i feel like joel olsteen finds me right when i need it. i don't search out his sermons on tv, but the times i do stumble upon his sermons, it's like he's speaking right to me…about something i am dealing with in that instance. it's like i was meant to find that sermon on that day. and i love how he makes his sermons so relateable.
thank you for this 🙂
I love this post, and especially the spiritual truths imbedded in the sermon! There is a huge difference between constructive criticism (i.e., "maybe you should try wearing that shirt with your other skirt") versus being derogatory and rude (i.e., "that shirt is hideous and you are ugly). Anon clearly has missed the point that you are referring to the hateful type of criticism or commentary and that is what should be ignored! I'm so glad that you are able to ignore these things now and live your life to the fullest how you know you should. 🙂
My favorite quote…
"Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt."
It coincides with a similar theme of just enjoying life and being yourself regardless of who might be watching or judging you.
thanks eri 🙂 i feel the same way—we don't go to church regularly but when we do go it's always like the sermon was just what I needed to hear 🙂
@healthy honey—thank you so much for articulating what I apparently could not. It is 100% the hateful criticism that I'm talking about, not just constructive comments (which I've always liked getting because it has helped me make improvements—I ever wear color now, LOL!)
🙂
I really needed to hear this right about now- thanks for sharing!
http://www.saysskippy.blogspot.com
Have you heard of GOMI – get off my internets? I don't know much about it, except it's a site where people can bash others. I read some horrible, horrible things while browsing one day. It's very cruel and hurtful. I will never understand some people. We as women should build each other up, not bring each other down. Yes, not everyone has to agree with you or like everything you post, but to leave a nasty comment is just pointless. Great post V 🙂
@beautygirl—I've heard about it and have read some entries on the site—there is a thread about my blog on their forums. I just figure they are increasing blog traffic for the people they post about.
You couldn't have posted this at a better time! I like to keep my life drama free, and thankfully have always been surrounded by amazing friends who share the same motto. However, I've been having a rough time at work the past few weeks dealing with someone who I thought was my friend, and not only are they someone I'd like to distance myself completely from (selfish, immature, had a psychotic outburst in the middle of the office, etc..) I can't while we still work together. I'm trying to stay professional about it and just ignore her, but it's hard. And your post today was so empowering and so spot on! It's hard to ignore someone with a shrill voice in a small office, but that's what headphones are for, and an amazing support system outside of the office. Thanks so much for posting this!
Playing devil's advocate here, but I just find it HILARIOUS and and a little contradictory that the title of this post is "knowing what to ignore", yet you go back and forth between an anon commenter within the first dozen or so comments… Just an observation. Maybe heed your own advice and "not waste your valuable time engaging in battles that don't matter or trying to win people over who will never be for you"…
@anon—yes, it's true that I was writing back and forth with this person. "Anon" was not insulting me, the person is simply stating a difference in opinion about this post 🙂
like someone above said, to me, rude and intentionally mean comments are not worth my time—that doesn't mean I'm not open to debate about a topic or not open to constructive feedback. You have to find the balance that works for you 🙂
Gotcha, maybe I was confusing the anon posts. I was more so referring to anon at 1020 am saying she wishes she (presumably a she?) could "be a higher lever human like you". Comments like that certainly DO need to be ignored, but yes, i agree differences in opinion are open to debate. 🙂
@anon- no prob 🙂 I think there are several different anons in this thread. Like I said, I don't mind it if someone makes a suggestion that's constructive…I can even tolerate sarcasm. What I do ignore is anything that is blatantly meant to be rude, hurtful or mean. That's what I don't make time for anymore 🙂
wonderful wonderful post- and thank you for the brief outline of the sermon bc it was certainly enlightening and inspiring. i can't believe anyone would ever post ugly or mean comments on someone's personal blog- i don't understand that- but glad you're going to let it roll of your back! you should, you have a fun and uplifting blog! keep it up.
https://www.jennysuemakeup.com
Great post V.
I had to work on getting over a colleague's attitude with me. It was getting me down over a month ago and while I wanted to win the battle, win her over, I just accepted that no matter what I do, she's going to be how she's going to be and nothing I can do including hand her the keys to a Ferrari will change that.
You can't judge people by your standards. Some people don't have the ethics or morals that you do. It doesn't make them better or worse, just different. But the walking away from the fight points are really good – thanks!
Great post Veronika! Also remember that for every one negative comment, there are probably 50 positive ones. Personally, I love your videos! You are articulate and personable and I would be so bummed if you were to ever let the negative comments get you down! This post was really timely for situations going on in my life right now too, where I'm trying too hard to people please. Thanks for this important reminder. You rock!!!
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Thank you Veronika for this post and uploading the video!!!
Veronika – I've been reading your blog for a couple of years, and really enjoy it – for a variety of reasons that correlate w/ the variety of subjects you post about.
I want to thank you for having the insight to remove some of the more religious content of this message. I respect religion, but don't take part in organized religion myself. I also think Joel Osteen has some great messages, he certainly is a wonderful inspiration to so many people.
By removing the religious content, you opened up his message (and this message) to a much wider audience — while also giving those who do take part in a religion the option to see the sermon in its entirety. I appreciate it so much when someone has the insight to not push religion, nor to do the opposite of that.
Letting things go is such a tough lesson in life, there is no doubt about it. I'm 43, and I think I've only gotten better at this the last several years. In the short term, it's much easier, in my opinion, to hang onto issues and obsess about making them "right"…when there usually is no "right" when it comes to opinions. In the long term, letting go is soooo much easier!
Awesome post, Veronika! I know there will always be some people who don't "get" me… many of them are the very trolls you're talking about! They don't get me just as I don't understand what they could possibly get out of spreading negativity! I, for one, get something out of spreading honest, heart-felt compliments to the people who write blogs I enjoy. It's a free way to show appreciation! What does harsh criticism show? You're right; nothing! It's a waste of time 😀
Hey Veronika, I know what I'm going to comment has nothing to do with this post, although I've read it. But it is a complimment. I find your english amazing. When you speak and when you write, it's everything so assertive. For me as a foreing it's really nice. I just would like to have you as friend and ask for help on my english!!!
Greetings
ana- thank you so much 🙂 I am here to help anytime! you can always email me!
Hi V – how did you know that I needed this tonight? I've been a longtime follower and fan and this was just what I needed. I consider myself a strong, independent woman but when it comes to relatives, especially parents in my case, I am always seeking approval.And maybe they're not 'for me' in the way that I deserve. It's a disappointing state of affairs, but your post has given me some comfort in that I should not spend my time on such distractions. I feel a little easier. Thank you so much. A reader from London.
you know something. I just so happened to be very much in need of reading something just like this. thanks for sharing!
What a great post. Such an inspiring read.
I came to your blog because I read that you were a fellow tall girl and was looking for tips- but this is beyond what I thought I'd find. I have followed. Thanks so much xx
Veronika,
I've never commented before (I rarely comment on blogs) but just wanted to commend you for posting something so personal and close to your heart. I am always quite in awe of bloggers: opening up your private lives to others is very brave–I can only imagine some of the comments you must receive–and I know I would have a very difficult time dealing with all of the negativity. Thank you again for sharing this with us…
Alissa
I really like reading your blog, but I feel like I've read posts like this several times on your blog now. Only now more elaborated and with religious references.
You seem to have said this kind of thing before, that people are critical of you, and they're wasting your time and you are going to ignore them. Well ignore them already! You need to have a thick skin if you're going to blog. You're right, not everyone is going to like you, and not everyone will leave nicey-nice comments. Well, that is what happens with a blog. I think it's time to move on from this. You've said it before, and I have a feeling you'll say it again. If it is really having such an affect on you that you are crying about it, maybe it's time to rethink having a blog (don't get me wrong, I do normally like reading your posts)? Just my opinion.
@anon–I have a few comments
1. The reference to crying wasn't over my blog. I have never cried over my blog. I was reffering to months ago when I was going through some tough things personally and I really needed to hear this sermon.
2. I did not do this post for me. I stated repeatedly that I am no longer affected by the mean comments and can just delete them and laugh at them. I am saying they used to affect me, past-tense. I posted this sermon because I believe it is a powerful message that a lot of people need to hear. Yes,it can apply to blog hater comments, but it also relates to so many other areas of life—work, family, etc.
3. I do have a thick skin. I get emails and comments on forums all the time saying "I don't know how you have such a thick skin to be able to keeo doing what you're doing and not letting the comments get to you." Anyone who knows me can tell you my skin is pretty darn thick.
4. I don't need to rethink having a blog 🙂 I'm very happy with my blog and love blogging.
5. I have posted about this topic before when I was getting a lot of hate comments. Once again, this post was meant to enlighten those who are struggling with personal issues in life. I shared this because it helped ME overcome my issues with the hater comments. That is why I referenced it. I wanted to show how powerful just one message could be in changing your way of thinking about things.
Thanks for reading,
-Veronika.
Thank you for that post it was exactly what I needed to read.
This was a great post! C:
I really, really, really needed this tonight. Thanks. 🙂 <3
love this post, veronika! I can only imagine how challenging it is to deal with negative people especially when you put yourself out there. I had the same feeling when i started my business. I had some negative feedback along the way and what made me get over it is knowing that I (or my products) can't be all things to all people. so some people are going to like it and others not. That's really helped me stay focused and keep moving forward.
Loved this! Thank you:)
I cannot believe you get/got hate comments. That is crazy to me! But I get them too- whatever. p.s. Lakewood used to be my church- I was in the choir there for several years, so I'm really fond of Joel and how he teaches.
Veronika, I stumbled across your blog a few months ago. At first it was just for the fashion/beauty aspect (and boy has it helped). However, recently I've been struggling with this very issue in my life. I vowed to make it a point to focus on the positive but we all know how hard that can be. I want to thank you for posting this. It's exactly what I needed!
Awe Veronika this was such a great post. Just reading "what not to do" has made me realize that I am guilty of the same things! This was really great to read. I'm so glad you had the strength to share. Rejoice;)
What a great blog post!!!! I really needed to hear this to start out 2012!!!! I am so glad I found this today. I was struggling so much in 2011 with what people think and how I could change how they think about me.
This is like a breath of fresh air!
becky—thanks so much for your comment, I'm glad this sermon inspired you!