Seeing the nature of the comments in these forums made the message very clear to me—there are a lot of women and girls who become preoccupied with another girl or woman and take out all of their criticisms, judgments and anger out on that person. I’ve seen it on YouTube and on other blogs I read. They watch their every move, every word, like a vulture, waiting for them to say or do something they can criticize them for. It is incredibly disheartening because I know that these comments can only come from a place of deep, deep sadness and dissatisfaction with one’s own self. Please know that I’m not saying that if you say you don’t like something about someone it makes you a horrible person, I am talking about people who leave comments with the intention to hurt.
Some of you may notice that I put my blog comments on moderation, which is something I never wanted to do. I think I have been pretty tolerant of the negative comments I get, but everyone has a breaking point and recently, I feel as though mine has been reached. It’s hard for me to admit that.
I understand that as a blogger, I put myself out there and that not everyone will enjoy what I have to offer. That’s OK with me. I realize I can’t please everyone and that people will have various interpretations of me. I’ve always emphasized that the opinions I care about most are the ones of the people who love me- my family, my husband and my friends. That still holds true.
Blogging has made me develop a much thicker skin than I previously had. Initially, when I got negative or mean comments, yes, they affected me. I wondered why someone would take the time to post something mean instead of just leaving my blog (you know, pressing the big red “X” in the top right corner of their browser). As time went on, I learned to laugh off these comments and take them with a grain of salt- these people posting anonymously don’t know me, so what they said didn’t matter.
I’ve come to terms with the fact that with writing this blog comes both the good, the bad and the ugly. I think people have the right to express what they think about my content. However, my blog isn’t a forum for hateful, mean and insulting comments. I welcome someone who dislikes many things about me to make their thoughts be known elsewhere—but this is not the place for it.
I have been trashed in some forums before—the comments are always the same:
“she is so insecure”
“she is so self-absorbed and vapid”
“she is so stupid”
…as you can imagine, the list goes on. It’s interesting because one of the reasons I started my blog is because other women gave me the confidence to do so. When I was planning our wedding, I was often “paged” in forums with questions about my hair or makeup. It’s flattering, of course, to be asked about these things but I didn’t feel right about keeping it on those forums. It got to be overwhelming and other forum members commented on how “annoying” it was that people were always paging me (even though of course, the pages were unsolicited). I wanted to have a place to share my girly stuff, product reviews, inspirations and tips. A place where people could choose to come, if they wanted to.
Before I move on, I have to address the confidence issue. As a young girl and teen, I was bullied and made to feel horrible about myself. I also grew up in an emotionally and physically abusive household with a lot of instability and fear. As you can imagine, I had very low self -confidence back then. Even when I was a model as a teen, I never felt like I was good enough. Much of this was a result of the environment in which I was raised. It has taken me many years of therapy to develop the level of confidence I have now. Part of that is also attributed to my husband- who is so supportive and so understanding and makes me feel so safe…I just can’t imagine being able to have the confidence I have now without his incredible support.
I definitely didn’t start this blog so I could get “nice comments” to make me “feel better about myself.” I already feel great about myself because I am very happy with the life I live, the marriage I have, the career I have, my amazing family and friends…those are the people and things that instill confidence in me. We all have insecurities, but generally I’m the girl who’s not afraid to talk to anyone, smiles at everyone and has a confident spirit and will strike up a conversation with just about anyone.
I started blogging because I loved the idea of connecting with a community of women that loved some of the same things I do. I love the supportive and kind nature of the community. It has saddened me lately to see how many bloggers are doing posts of this nature—and now, here I am, doing the same thing.
The blogging community is such an amazing place that it’s very difficult for me to understand the negative comments that my blog (and thousands and thousands of others) get. I always wonder to myself “what does someone who posts something like this get out of it?” Surly they must be getting some kind of payoff from it because otherwise, why take the time, right? Today I had someone post a rude comment so I deleted it. The person proceeded to post the same comment over and over about 5 times. I finally put my comments on moderation because I was tired of having to go back and manually delete the comments. How can someone have the time to do something like that over and over, I wondered? Some people are relentless, I guess.
Because I was bullied and abused growing up, I cannot imagine wanting to make anyone, whether I know them or not, feel bad about about themselves. There is plenty of content online that I don’t enjoy or feel is ridiculous…but I refrain from commenting because I feel that it brings nothing positive to the world. It would not give me any kind of “payoff” to make mean-spirited comments about other people, so I have no desire to do it. In fact, I’m pretty sure I would feel guilty if I posted something just to get a reaction. I am not saying I have never said anything mean about anyone, ever, I just have learned my lesson and I know it brings nothing to me to do something like that. I always say that when someone posts a mean comment about someone else, it always says more about them than the person they are talking about.
I get a lot of emails from women asking me how I deal with the comments. Like I mentioned before, it has gotten easier as time goes on, but sometimes, yes, they affect me. I’ve learned to laugh at some of the more ridiculous ones, but when someone makes a wrong assumption or says an outright lie about me, that’s more difficult to ignore.
I know this post will generate a lot of comments about how pathetic I am and how I can only deal with getting comments about how “pretty” I am and how “great I dress.” That’s not true at all. I leave comments up all of the time that are constructively critical. If someone doesn’t like my outfit that’s OK, people have different aesthetics and senses of style. But, there is a difference between saying “I think that dress would look so much better with a different belt” than “that outfit is so FUG and you don’t have any style, I don’t even know why you have a fashion blog.”
I am comfortable with accepting constructive advice because in many cases I appreciate a different perspective. However, comments that are mean-spirited and rude will just no longer be tolerated—because I don’t have to. This is my blog and negativity is not what this space is for. I understand people will keep posting negative things about me on forums, and that’s their prerogative. If they want to waste their time discussing the same things about me over and over, that’s OK—this just isn’t the place to do that.
I’m sorry that I couldn’t keep the promise to myself and not do a post of this nature. Sometimes though, it’s not a good idea to be silent. Someone can only tolerate so much before they speak out. With all of the stories about bullying and suicides in the news, it saddens me that the online world seems to be on fire with people seeking outlets- anywhere and everywhere to leave hateful comments (and trust me, some bloggers and YouTubers have it much much worse than I do). I don’t want this blog to be a part of that which is why I will no longer allow comments that are rude, mean or insulting. I still welcome constructive criticism. I still welcome “I don’t really like this outfit” comments. But please, if you’re going to write something rude, mean, insulting, hurtful—please know that yes, I’ll see it in my inbox, but it won’t be posted here for everyone else to have to read.
Thank you to everyone who took the time to read this overwhelmingly long post and sorry for the rambling. I just had to get this out of my system and move on.
Back to regular blogging tomorrow.
Before I go, I also have to thank and acknowledge the more than 1000 amazing readers I have that have made this experience so incredible for me. Please know that your comments and support mean so much to me. 95% of the time this blog makes me so happy and I feel blessed to have the opportunity to be part of this incredible community, but the small 5% is what I’m addressing here, and hopefully will not have to address again.
xoxo,
Veronika.
I understand where you are coming from. I don't understand the intentional mean comments either. Online bullying has become such a huge problem that needs to be address. Even though this post is not something you wanted to post, I think it's important to address these issues. Overall these sorts if bullying and negativity just make me sad, especially situations like the young kids that have committed suicide over these such things. It's amazing how cruel some people can be.
I love you blog and keep up the good work. Xo
Great post, Veronika. It really is disheartening to see so many women working so hard to tear one another down instead of working to build one another up. I think that you handle yourself very well when it comes to the negative comments written here and on other online forums. I just started blogging and can only hope that I never encounter any sort of negativity.
I just wanted to say that today was Spirit Day which was to honor the many young men and women who committed suicide in the past couple of months due to bulling in school and/or at home. Some of these people were of the GLBTQ community and some were bullied just for being different. A friend of mine put it best when she said that no one should be made to feel so alone in the world that suicide feels like it is the only option.
After reading your post, it made me think what a sad disconnected world we live in where negativity is so rampant. I, for one, appreciate your ability to allow yourself to be so vulnerable and showcase yourself in the way you do. Please keep up the bravery and thank you.
Very well said, Veronika. I am usually an anonymous reader but never have I said an ugly comment. I can't believe ppl have the heart to do that. You are extraordinary and it is very much ok to have posted this. People need to be shut up sometimes. Funny how they only post anonymously. Usually girls who write such ugly things are very hateful and insecure. Always keep your head up and know that you have a great amount of supporters and will continue to do so.
The rude comments are the only thing about this whole online community that bothers me. There is no need for that level of hate. This post is extremely well written, and I commend you on even writing it in the first place. It's not easy. You are a beautiful woman, inside and out. xx
I don't blame you for writing this post. If people don't like your blog then really they should just stop reading it. I have been amazed at some of the mean people I have come across in online communities. Some people really are like vultures, sitting there waiting to put other people down. I hope you feel better getting all of that out!
This is so unfortunate. Just know that a good majority of your readers love to visit your blog. Hopefully the mean spirited comments don't get to you. Delete, delete, delete. Keep up the great blog.
Janice (Couture and Crayons)
I am so glad that you wrote this post. It took a lot of courage to do so. I have seen some of the negative comments on your blog before and have wondered, why would someone do that? Why would someone intentionally hurt someone? It is online bullying. I will never understand it, but it is wrong. Your blog has inspired me in many different ways. I really appreciate you and your blog. Thank you so much for stepping out here and making yourself vulnerable each day, in spite of some of the negative people. Just know that so many of us truly do appreciate you 🙂
I completely understand where youre coming from and I thank you for letting others and myself read your blog. Why do people feel the need to knock others down online? If you don't like the content of someones blog, stop reading! I mean, no one is forcing you to read the blog so why are you taking time out of your day to put energy into someone you name call online? They are the insecure ones because they hide behind a computer and they don't have the guts to put their face out there like you do. I feel as if online bullys must get bullied in real life, which is so sad. You'd think they'd want to progress and break the cycle. ANYWAY, not to put any more of my energy into them, I can speak for myself and say I really enjoy reading your blog. I've been exposed to new beauty products because I've read reviews about them on your blog and other blogs. SO again, thanks for sharing your blog with all of us!
Great post and great day to it… bullying has gotten out of hand with today's technology. People can hide behind computers or cell phones and say terrible things to others that they would never have the balls to say in person. Yes there have a been a recent string of gay teen suicides, but what about the string of girls the past few years who were cyber bullied and also took their lives? It's terrible and so sad and needs to stop.
I hope these women that leave the mean comments aren't passing down these habits to their children 🙁
I don't blame you but I have to say you are the most gracious person. I wouldn't have been so nice about it! I absolutely adore your blog and aside from cooking blogs, it's the only fashion and beauty one that I have listed in my favorites. You have a great knack for fashion and beauty….heck, all things girly!! You are a sweetheart of a person 🙂 – Jennifer
I agree with the other comments that said that this post was extremely well-written. I know a lot of people admire your tact and thick-skin when dealing with the unneccessary negativity – if I was in your position I probably couldn't handle it with nearly as much grace.
This is what I love about your blog and by extension, your formspring: You really come across as a friend. Naturally, no one agrees with every single thing a friend says or does (or wears), but at heart, we know they are a wonderful person who somehow lifts us up. I think you have an amazing sense of self and outlook. xoxo
Thanks for writing this post, V!!! I fully agree with everything you said. I, too, wonder how people can be so rude and hurtful… There's just no reason for it.
Good for you for getting this post out there- there is a large difference between constructive criticisms and being just plain mean. People use the internet anonymously to say hurtful things without any repercussions, and I think that it's just sad. Keep writing your wonderful blog, because there are *many* of us readers out here who love reading it!!
XO Erin
purelyparker.blogspot.com
I agree that there is no reason to intentionally hurt someone. I took a gander over at the gurugossip.com site and could not believe how obsessed these people are w/ these bloggers/You Tubers. Negative comments or not, they are clearly obsessed. That is sad to be that preoccupied w/ a stranger.
General message is if you don't like someone's blog don't visit it. It's that simple.
Hey!!
I just discovered your blog a couple months ago and wantd to let you know how wicked I think you are for having the guts to share your personal life with all of us.
You are awesome and your blog is filled with soo many great reads it is always exciting to see a new post. THANK YOU!!!!
Great post! No one should have to do deal with that much negativity. Don't let it get you down.
Norma
norma-inthisworld.blogspot.com
Another great and genuine post V, thanks for writing this!
I've always been one to ask you how you deal with all the negativity, I don't think I could do it if I were in your shoes. My skin is just not that thick. Dealing with the crap just sucks so much energy out of me that I could be using in a better, more productive way. You always handle your mean commenters with grace and I love your practical outlook on the negativity. It's too bad that people get so caught up in their virtual worlds that it crosses over to obsession. Very scary to think about.
I've had my share of mean things said about me (as you know), and I don't think anyone could help but be taken aback when reading a personal attack like that. If you don't have a gut reaction to that, you're not human! Honestly, the online negativity has me wondering if I even want to continue blogging. Like you said, it's the other awesome 95% who make it hard to leave 🙂
I admire your strength and grace in dealing with this, thanks for the great post!
Veron- Really amazing post, very well thought out and mature. I'm so proud of you !!
xoxooxo
Joanna
Just wanted to let you know I think it's really brave of you to write this. I also want you to know that I loveeee your blog and check back all the time to see if there are new posts. keep it up! 🙂
Verona!
Don't let the haters hold you back. I am always AMAZED how you deal with the crazy on ML and stick it out. We couldn't be more different than a cat and a dog but your blog has inspired me to take just a little bit more time on myself. Keep it up Veronabrit!
Very well written post, Veronika! As a regular reader of your blog, it would always upset me to see some of these nasty comments. I'm glad you are able to not let many of them get to you, but I completely agree with your decision to start moderating comments. I hope your blog continues to be a fun hobby for you for a very long time!
Jenna (jennatabakman.blogspot.com)
I am so glad you wrote this. I am a young girl who is trying to feel good about myself I get excited everyday to look at your blog if something isnt there I'm actually disappointed and can't wait for the next time you post. I love your tips,stories,interviews and pictures. I am a newly wed with a new place who loves beauty and to decorate, I'm a cosmetologist and your tips are so great because i'm addicted to all things beauty as well! You have gone through the rough time in your life already. Don't let these people who are insecure ruin what you have now. Move on and don't let your past affect your future! xoxo
Well said I am a new follower of your and this needed to be said. There are alot of sad and vindictive women in this world. I always wonder why some women are so critical and unnecessarily mean to each other, men don't do that.
Hi Veronika,
Thank you for writing this post, especially since today is spirit day and we should all look closely within ourselves and figure out why we choose to be loving and kind towards others or why some of us do not. I have always been sort of "different". I was considered that way in school and I still struggle with feelings of insecurity and low self confidence now. That's part of the reason why I love blogging – its a great way for shy girls like myself to meet and interact with other people who have the same interests and loves. All of this negativity ruins that. One of my fave youtube girls, Michele1218, stopped making videos for this very reason and it makes me so sad and angry! We should build one another up, not nit pick and tear each other down. Its all so pointless. Keep doing what you do V!
I think you're totally right. Some people take so much time and effort to judge people and make them feel bad… it makes so sense. I love your blog and it's always at the top of my mental "blogs to read" list. Keep it up! 🙂
I love your blog Veronika. Don't let rude people get you down!
Screw the haters! You are adorable and real. I love your blog!
Very well written post. Unfortunately some women need to put others down to feel better about themselves. I think the women who do videos for youtube are very brave, honestly I don't think I could open myself up to that – not to mention the time commitment.
I watched a video on youtube recently and was so sad about how many ugly comments about her speech – a lot of them counted how many times she said "um" and "like" which are both pretty commonly said when people are nervous.
I too agree with you, I'll never understand WHY people waste their time being negative. Can they just go away??
You have a great blog & I enjoy reading every post, for every negative readers there like 20 others out there who truly look up to you!
I love this post and what a good day to post this on your blog! I have to agree with you that being silent isn't always the best option. You have to have your voice heard because if nobody says anything, there will not be any change to all this hatred! I am glad you took an initiative and probably wrote your thoughts on behalf of most of us who are hated on. I never had any confidence issues of my life so I really don't care if someone comes to my blog or even in real life to my face and says something hateful. There are only a handful of people in my life whose opinions truly matter. I am glad blogging and being part of this community have taught you this. Just keep on blogging beautiful things and ignore the haters. You have all of us following your blog for a reason, because we enjoy reading about your beauty/fashion/decorating experiences and that's all that matters! 🙂
This is such a great post Veronika. I hate how mean spirited women can be to each other. We should stand together and support one another, but instead some women take pleasure in degrading other women. It's sad to say that I've even found it can be girls that you thought were your closest friends who are your worst critics. I applaud your courage to touch on this topic. It shows that you are kind hearted and strong woman. I can only assume that the women who leave those nasty comments and actually create forums to degrade you and other bloggers/youtuberd are miserable with their own lives and definitely have too much time on their hands. The time it took to leave a mean comment or participate in such nasty forums should be better spent trying to figure out what is missing in their own lives. In the end I believe in karma, so I'm sure sooner or later they will feel the sting of unkind words as well. I love your blog and look forward to your posts every single day 🙂
V…I've loved you from day one. You've always been nothing but humble and sweet. You happen to be a gorgeous girl and other catty girls don't like that. It's jealously and hatefulness and I'm glad you are not going to give them the time of day anymore.
I'm glad you're strong and I'm glad you acknowledged them by not giving them a voice to tear you down in the most hurtful ways.
You have style, grace, and poise and I love your blog!
Keep it up, girl! : )
Veronika, I just wanted to say that I have been reading your blog for a while now and it is probably my favourite one to read. As other commenters have said today, you come across as such a genuine, kind hearted person and I really enjoy reading every post – I even get a little disappointed on days that you don't post!
I think you are right that people who bother to write hateful messages are insecure and dissatisfied with themselves. The fact that they post anonymously and won't even own up to their own opinions says it all, I think. Don't forget though that people who hurt are generally hurting and often don't know any other way to behave. You (or any other blogger) aren't their target in reality.
I normally don't write comments but I just wanted to let you know that I'm cross that there are people out there that make a post like this warranted. I hope you'll keep up with the posting because I'll certainly keep reading and admiring your style (in both a fashion and writing sense). xoxo
I appreciate the time that you put into your blog and that you take the time to answer many readers' questions on Formspring. Thank you!
I agree with everything you wrote completely. For the record, you are gorgeous and I would have never guessed that you ever suffered from very low self-confidence & bullying. No one should ever have to be bullied, and it's so sad when people take out their insecurities onto others. I am glad anti-bullying awareness is out so much more now (today is National Spirit Day)!! Anyway, I'm glad you moderate your comments b/c I hate reading negative posts on blogs. I follow a lot of blogs & yours is one of my favorites; I love your fashion & decorating sense and beauty product knowledge. You seem very down-to-earth and positive. I mean, why read your blog if you don't like it??? The haters really need to find something better to do. Hey haters, here's some suggestions: Read a book! Volunteer for charity! Go work out your frustration via exercise! Even playing a video game would be better! If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all.
There is so much I want to respond to in this post, but I'll try to keep it simple or else I'll never be able to hush myself up. Your post was beautifully written and touches on my feelings exactly, I was nodding and shouting "amens" while reading. (Ok, not really on the amens, but you know what I mean.) Unfortunately for some people, its easier to tear others down than to work on themselves, and those people are sad, insecure, and mean. I have moderated my comments from day one, because as much as I wish I had the world's thickest skin, I don't. And I want my blog to be a safe, happy place, so to all the haters I say "see ya!" I love your blog and applaud you for being so open and honest. Keep rocking out girl, you are FABULOUS. And to all those who say otherwise, moderate them 🙂
Hey girl. I completely agree with what you are saying and to tell you the truth I had no idea there were people going on other forums and trashing fashion bloggers, etc. I have heard a few negative things about fashion blogging, but I feel the same way, if you dont want to read or look at fashion, then DONT COME TO MY BLOG! I am perfectly fine with that. I also promised myself when I started that I would not do any negative blogging meaning negative about anything right down to nailpolish. I would rather blog about nail polish that I love then dis the ones I dont, I just leave them out! It is great to say that most of the time the fashion blogging community is incredibly sweet and uplifting. I look forward to it everyday. I am sure I will get more negative comments as things grow though, I might have to email you for advice!
XX
Veronika, I can't believe the amount of hate and vindictiveness in the world. Thank you for writing such a wonderful post and declaring your feelings and thoughts towards this is very brave. People need to realize that hate is easy, it's an easy way to put others down, to make yourself feel more superior or to hurt someone. I really hope that all those "haters" out their find love for themselves and for other and they can stop the cycle they have made for themselves.
Veronika,
This was a very well said message. I too was bullied growing up and reading this post brought back all those awful memories. Like you, if it wasn't for my wonderful boyfriend (hopefully soon Fiancee 😉 who took me out of the environment I was in New Jersey and moved me out to California, I don't know how far I would've gotten in life.
You picked a great day to talk about bulling, especially since there are so many people that are committing suicide as a result of bullying.
I pray that these people get the help they need because I can only imagine how much hatred they must have piled up in them.
Much love to you Veronika. You are a wonderful woman and have honestly been very inspirational to me – I wish I lived in Houston!!
xoxo
-Natalia
Your blog is seriously one of my favorites 🙂
As a blogger, I totally understand where you're coming from. Love the new blog look! A lot more professional 🙂
I don't think I've commented before, but I've been lurking for ages. I love your blog and it's always one of the first ones I click on in my Reader each morning! I just don't understand why people have to be so cruel. If I find a fashion blog that I don't like, I simply click away. Why is that so difficult for people to do? Didn't anyone else watch Bambi when growing up?!
What saddens me even more about this, is that with I think it's adults doing it… Grown adults who should know better.
Please keep in mind that for each negative comment you get, there are probably 20 lurkers thinking you have the most gorgeous hair around! Keep your chin up, you seem like a great girl!
This was such a well written and thoughtful post Veronika. I love your blog, and I cannot believe some of the comments that have been written; I didn't know people could be so insecure and mean spirited to write such horrible words about someone that they don't know. Keep being amazing!!
I admire you for posting this and bringing to light a big problem that the online world is facing currently.
It's sad to think there are that many people out there that are struggling in their lives and hurting others makes them feel better. If only we could turn all that negative energy into positive energy, it would make this world a better place.
Your blog is one of my favorites. You have such a sweet, kind spirit that shines through with each post. I love how open and honest you are and I am very sorry for abuse you suffered as a child.
It is disgusting to see the way women behave towards each other under the cloak of anonymity. Let it be their hang-up and try not to let it weigh on you!
Thank you for sharing your stories on this blog!
Great post! Thx for having the courage to write it. I don't understand how people can be so negative & mean. Keep on blogging because a lot of girls love u! 🙂
To tell you the truth, this is one of the major reasons why I stopped blogging. It got to a point that it wasn't fun for me anymore. My feelings got hurt often. I guess I am a softy.
I don't need to tell you that your blog is great. You already have 40something comments saying that. Just keep ignoring the bad ones.
Veronika-
I commend you for writing this post. It took a lot of courage and strength to write about the hardships that you have dealt with in your life. I also cannot begin to understand why people feel the need to make such hurtful comments. It is so sad that people find satisfaction in hurting other people. It is such a sad state of humanity, people spend more time bringing down one another rather than helping one another. We all have to deal with so much sadness in our lives, in various forms, why do people feel the need to make it so much more difficult with these kinds of actions? It is just something that I will never understand.
I think that you are a strong, positive, sweet woman with excellent style and gorgeous hair :)Keep up the great work that you do and don't let the sad, negative people in this world bring you down.
I'm so proud of you for sticking up for yourself. It's not easy to do, but it's important to draw a line, and let people know when they've over stepped it.
Love you, your blog, and your gusto!
xoxo
K.
This was very well written!
Keep on, keepin' on!
Be well,
Carolyn
I'm so happy that you aren't letting these negative people "win". I dread when my favorite blogs get negative comments because I'm fearful they'll make their blogs private. I just don't understand the point of negative comments.
FABULOUS way to express your feelings and it was done in the right way! What is with people believing they can anonymously write these comments that are virtual punches in the face? Just because you're not physically hitting someone doesn't mean you're not hurting them. I have such a hard time forgetting the rude and hurtful things people say to me. Like you, if I don't like the blog/post whatever I just don't comment. I would NEVER go out of my way to purposely hurt someone. It's not my nature bc I would be so hurt if someone did that to me.
Keep your chin up, your blog is great, I always enjoy reading it. And most importantly, you are a good person and these fools can't take you down!!
🙂
I post anonymously when I do, but I do read your blog everyday and find it very inspiring! Good for you for taking the time to write this post. I have also noticed the amount of hate and negativity, not just toward you, but others too and find it to be disgusting. These same people probably would never ever say these things to someone's face. Keep on doing what you are doing, there are a lot of people out there who appreciate and enjoy reading your blog!
Veronika…..you are an absolute jewel….keep on doing what you're doing…..we love you.
Cynthia
I love your blog and I love your attitude. This post is really well written and I am sorry you have to deal with the mean comments. Keep blogging! You are inspiring.
Keep on holding your head high and let your inner & outer beauty shine!
*hugs* and *high five* for being so kind, brave and fabulous! ~ Danielle
Hi Veronica, I love your blog! I check daily and I totally understand your post. However, as a blogger you should expect negative/rude comments. I hate to be negative, but ppl will always hate. And you just have to accept it. You cant please everyone. I'm not trying to be mean, but the internet is open to the entire world and there is no way to regulate what ppl post about you. By having a blog, you expose yourself to everyone. I think its just a part of blogging. Anyway, you are a really good writer!
I've been reading for a few months and I just want to let you know how much I enjoy your blog!
Unfortunately, there will always be jealous girls out there that want to bring people down. I agree these girls probably have their own issues, and hopefully they will figure out a better way to manage them.
Veronika good for you. I love your blog and your advice and you are an inspiration to many women out there. I respect your comments above very much and I'm glad that you said them.
Alyssa
Thank you everyone so much for their wonderful comments! You ladies are the reason I love to blog and you all inspire me 🙂
To anyone who has left a comment I did not publish, feel free to email me at veronabrit at gmail dot com if you'd like a question answered. Thank you!
This really is a great post…it's extremely eye opening. I had no idea there were sites like "Guru Gossip" and I find it incredibly disgusting. People have way too much time on their hands and hatred in their hearts, it saddens me to no end. And after seeing this website, I feel discouraged about ever putting up and videos on youtube for my blog EVER! I can only imagine the way the vloggers would feel if they ever read those nasty comments. This is really breaking my heart, fortunately no one has ever left a nasty comment on my blog but I can only imagine how badly that would hurt. People need to abide by that old mantra that may seem cliche but is effective, if you don't have anything nice to say then don't say anything at all. People feel that it is their right to give their opinion but nothing positive comes from such hurtful words. Great post, this was very necessary and I hope it reached those who needed to read it.
That GOOD GOOD Blog
I love you and your beautiful hair. You are so pretty and awesome. Please keep on posting all your wonderful OOTD and makeup tips. They are so helpful. It brightens my day to see your daily posts. 🙂
Go V! Good for you girl, you are beautiful and smart. Some people just can't deal with the jealousy in a mature way. Keep bloggin' girlfriend!
@Lucy- You're right-I'm not going to publish your comment. However, please note that I have always published mean and rude comments, I'm just not doing it ANYMORE. So your assertion that I "only post comments that say I'm pretty" is completely off. In fact, I have been writing this blog for over a year and have continuously published mean, rude and insulting comments without moderating them. If you are going to maek assertions at least be sure they are true.
Your next assertion, about my "bad body image" couldn't be further from the truth. I am working on my fitness goals but I am happy overall with my body. I don't write this blog so people tell me i'm great- I already get that fulfilment from the people who love me. I simply enjoy being part of a community of like-minded women…
Just like many of you nest girls constantly talk about yourselves, post pictures of yourselves, your pets, your kids etc. I don't see what the difference is with my blogging about the things I like. You can continue judging me all you like 🙂 You don't know me, which makes your comments completely irrelevant to my life.
Good for you V – for sticking up for yourself! Haters are always going to hate, but that stems from not liking themselves. Great post.
@Kim- I am happy to answer you, and I had asked that you email me so I can explain to you how I feel about that situation. I think we all make mistakes and say things we regret. This person who bullied me that you are referring to hurt me very greatly and I am still somewhat scarred by that experience. The comment I made about her was rude, and obviously I am not proud of that. We all make mistakes and sometimes say things that maybe aren't in the best taste and that is what I attribute that comment to. It was a mistake.
My issue is with people who go around commenting the same insults over and over. What I said was said and it was once and I don't feel the need to say it again.
Veronika, I have been reading your blog for a while but felt compelled to comment today. First of all, I enjoy your blog and thank you for writing this particular post. I think you are right on about women in general not being able to support and cheer each other on. We feel the need to compete and constantly scrutinize which is truly unfortunate. When you find a group of women friends that are supportive, embrace them, I do!
I work in the finance industry in the semiconductor field and actually enjoy dressing fashionably for myself because it makes me feel good. This has created a lot of rude comments stemmed by jealousy. It still amazes me how hurtful and cruel women can be. I was raised with the idea if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all and still live by that mantra for the most part. However, I defend myself when necessary and am glad to see you doing the same. Glad you are not letting the "haters" bring you down. Keep up the great blogging!
Boo to mean people, they have nothing better to do obviously…how unhappy do you have to be to stalk someone's personal blog and repost a nasty comment incesantly like a crazy person? 'Hear that annonymous bully? Crazy = you.'
I've never commented on your blog before V, but have read for a while and love the content you provide. You've got guts for putting yourself out there the way you do! As long as you truely are a nice girl, you've got nothing to worry about. Mean people hate it even more when their target is nice too 🙂
I'm glad you posted this, it just brings the whole issue to the attention of your fellow blogger readers. we see mean-spirited criticism towards every blog, and i've seen it towards yours as well.
its so sad that it exists, but know that you have a lot of fans too that support you, and your readers DON'T buy into those mean comments.
Hi Veronika! I have been a reader for a few months now. I think it's smart of you to moderate the comments. I think you've been very tolerant and level-headed when it comes to reader questions and comments. But you are right — you don't need to give the haters a forum for all of their B.S. They are just seeking attention. Sad.
I
Congrats for this post and for not letting the Negative Nancies get you down! I too am shocked that there are sites devoted to talking trash about others. A blog I used to follow has come under a lot of scrutiny lately and I discovered a blog dedicated to those that hate the blogger. I made (what I thought was) a very benign comment wondering what these ladies got out of spending HOURS ripping a person up the back for her every little move. OMG…you would've thought that I had said that I kidnap babies and try to sell them on Craigslist! I was told to go to he**, that I was an idiot, that I deserved to be robbed and on and on. It left me feeling physically ill for over an hour after reading them.
I feel deeply saddened (and want to raise an eyebrow and twirl my finger over my temple in a "crazy" motion) when I see the time that ladies take to try and make someone feel bad. I will never understand it and want to ask them what they get out of it.
You deserve to write what you want, when you want. It's not like you're posting hyper controversial topics. OHMYGAWD…Veronika posted a picture of her sofa! CAll the cops! 🙂 Keep doing what you're doing and good for you for being the quite obviously better person!
Veronika,
Thank you for this post. I enjoy your blog and don't find you vapid or any of the like. You blog about your life. I never feel like you are trying to set the stage for people to compliment you or tell you how pretty you are. And even so, who cares if you did want a compliment? It's proven that those who compliment others cause a chain reaction of compliments. And I think that makes the world a nicer place. Who doesn't wanna be complimented? I think a lot of women are very insecure, jealous, spiteful, and are lacking in their own lives and so they feel the need to be hurtful towards other women just to feel better about themselves. Even though that feeling won't last longer than 5 minutes.
Kudos to you for writing what you did. I agree with you about not posting anything rude or mean. There is no need for it. There is enough hate in this world. People should see that and stop adding to it.
-C
Wednesday being Spirit Day really had me thinking a lot about how ADULTS have been making a hobby out of internet bullying. There's definitely a difference between constructive criticism and obsession coupled with unnecessary and hurtful comments. If we as adults can't treat one another civilly, what does that say about our society and the likelihood of younger generations to stop bullying and driving people to the edge? =(
Great post Veronika. No matter what, there will always be people like the ones you wrote about in the world. It is so sad when women attack women.
I love your blog! I just had a baby, and have been feeling kind of blah. I found your blog on ML/FB on TN, and you really inspired me to start wearing make up again. Ha.
Keep up the good work!
So, I was the Anon that asked about being pigeon toed (I legitimately wanted to know if you were, is that weird?) and told you that it was great to have a Motivation Monday that was actually motivating. I just wanted you to know that they were not comments that were done in mean spirit or hate, but of curiosity and constructive criticism. I apologize for any hard feelings and I do read everyday!
Veronika- Great post that totally needed to be said! Who knows why people spend so much energy bringing other people down. I always look forward to your blog with all of your insightful information and exciting purchases! Thanks to you my bathroom counter is free of makeup product clutter because I bought those cute clear drawers from the container store.
Stay true to your adorable self!
Good for you! I hate seeing negative comments on blogs which I see a lot, including on this one. We should be building each other up and not tearing others down. Thanks for writing this blog which has recently become on my daily rotation because you give such great advice on makeup and have very cute style!
Simply amazing post! I absolutely adore your blog and I can honestly say that a lot of the stuff you share inspires my everyday. You are a beautiful person inside and out, and do not let anyone tell you otherwise. Unfortunately, it is inevitable that we will have to deal with mean-spirited/negative people throughout the course of our lives. I remember thinking… okay if I just stick it out in highschool I will no longer have to deal with "mean girls" afterwards. I wishing my awkward teen years away and looking forward to my mid 20's. Well I have come to realize that it really never ends. A quote that has stuck with me throughout the years is "mysery loves company". People writing negative things to you or about you are simply just unhappy with themselves. I was sad to see that a lady that is married with children takes the time to put you down. That is so sad and unfortunate all at the same time. I feel like I pity her children more than anything. IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT, DON'T READ IT! There are so many more important things in the world to worry about.
Again, great post and thanks for sharing<3
Also I want to add kudos to you for handling this situation so well and being mature about it. Negative comments are never appropriate but I have stopped reading blogs because I felt the blogger did not handle the issue of how to deal with them very well. Keep your head up and don't let them bother you!
Great post! I was hoping you would do this a while ago. No one has the right to treat you like that. I love your blog!
Sarah
I don't know you (obv), but vapid or self absorbed are not adjectives that come to mind when I visit here. I agree that those who seek to do harm are probably feeling it themselves or some type of emotional deficiency. I used to let negative comments bug me as there always seems to be 'that one.' But — I take back the power by deleting what I don't like and I try not to apologize for it too much. I'm glad to see you making the choice that's right for you and that's that. I agree this was great timing w/everything that's going on these days.
this post took so much courage, and I am giving you a standing ovation for it. I won't even make a notation about the negative comments, because honestly, it's a waste of time.
but I love that you are so very confident with yourself. that you are able to stand up for yourself AND your blog, with your head held high. I love your blog and I look forward to many many many more posts in the future!
i totally agree i don't understand why some women feel the need to bash others? i truly don't. i think its really sad and pathetic. you are a good blogger and so nice and genuine to your readers i dont understand y anyone would want to make you feel bad. i am glad you posted this because i have seen a lot of bullying online and it always annoys me and i find it so unnecesary.
I've never posted a comment on a blog before, but I feel that today I must. I was so sad and annoyed reading your post, why do jealous – and they blatantly are – individuals feel the need to try hurt and upset people? I'm so glad that you don't take any notice of them. From reading your blog you sound like a lovely person. Please continue with what you are doing otherwise they have won.
One of the huge reasons I am only recently commenting and getting involved in any sort of social media outside of good old facebook (haha) is because when I started planning my own wedding, I got involved on a popular wedding site and ran into rampant mean-girl syndrome online. I didn't want my once-in-a-lifetime experience of planning my wedding to be torn to pieces by cruel people online who I didn't even know.
Now that I am in the process of earning a graduate degree in education and am knee-deep in a research paper on the 'mean girls'/bullying problem so many of our schools have, I find myself remembering not only back to my online wedding forum experiences from a little over a year ago, but to the bullying I, too, faced as a perpetual 'new kid' in a line of schools. Bullying is a real & growing issue in our society, and there are those who feel that the word 'anonymous' in their posts frees them from any culpability to their poor actions.
Good for you for taking a stand now, and kudus for giving a shout-out to your husband. As another young married woman, I find it really encouraging when other young marrieds are happy & successful. Keep up the good work – after all, if you can draw me into commenting & following along with countless others, you're doing something right 😉 Stay positive and keep those posts coming. *cough*especiallyiftheyareabouthighwaistedbelts*cough* LOL
Rachael- thanks so much for your insightful comment. I'd be interested to learn more about the paper you are working on 🙂 email me sometime!
Was the wedding planning website theknot.com? I've also expereinced extreme online mean-ness on that website. Not all of the women there are bad, but many of them band together against certain people and it's just sad.
thanks again for your comment!
It was indeed the Knot! I was actually stunned by the meanness of some women…they're really not kidding when they say bridezillas….most of all I just can't understand why people would bash other people's spouses/fiances, rings, dress choices, plans, or (my favorite) harp on you for ruining your life and making 'the biggest mistake ever' by getting married in your early 20s. :/
As for the paper – definitely! I am in the research stage right now, so I'm writing up lots of annotated bibliography entries and spending lots of time requesting journal articles from online databases. The most interesting part has been going into real schools and talking with educators about the mean girl issues they've faced in their own schools. In a small, well-to-do town not far from me, they just arrested five girls on the way to their senior prom last year – all for plotting to kill – murder! – another female classmate who was going to the prom with another girl's crush. Anyway…I could go on and on…..like you said, I'll have to email you sometime 😉
You're quite welcome, I enjoy your blog!
Great post Veronika.
I thinks that negative comments are not cool. If you do not like something you see, then move on and find another blog. There's plenty of blogs out there. I like your blog and read it almost daily.
I am glad you addressed this issue.
Keep on blogging Veronika…
WOW – Veron, what an amazing awesome post! I didn't have time to read it all because I had to run an errand, but ended up being late because I couldn't stop reading. You are such an amazing, talented, super stunning gorgeous woman and you empower SO many people!! I know this first hand because you've empowered me and the dozens of friends I've forwarded your site to.
PLEASE keep everything you're doing up because it's amazing!
XO
Your #1 Cheerleader MAJA
Veronika,
I read your blog all the time and I can't believe anyone would have something negative to say about you. You seem so nice and friendly and the kind of girl I would love to have as a friend in real life. I hope you don't take any of the negativity to heart. There are always people that are so miserable in their own lives that it makes them feel better to cut someone else down.
I hope that you will continue to be brave and put yourself out there because your blog is awesome!
XO,
Emily
i don't comment a lot on your blog but i have been following you for a lil while. i love your blog. i love how you mix pricier items with less expensive items. it shows you are down to earth and that a person can basically dress like you and not have to pay a fortune.
there are always going to be people in the world who will hate on someone who is gorgeous, smart, funny, stylish, etc. always. it is just how you deal with those people.
i think it is great that you have made it a point to say what you will not allow people to do on YOUR blog. keep doing what you're doing.
i see it like this. if someone has to go out of their way to make you feel bad then they have to be feeling a lot worse themselves. those mean comments should just make you smile b/c they are hoping to wipe the gorgeous smile from your face that way you can match the expression they wear every day.
you're openess and honesty is one thing that makes you so likeable! i'm proud of you for taking a stand, this is YOUR blog! i agree with alana, about how sad it is that 'ADULTS have been making a hobby out of internet bullying. If we as adults can't treat one another civilly, what does that say about our society and the likelihood of younger generations to stop bullying and driving people to the edge?'
.. much love to you veronika! 🙂
Great post Veronika. I hate to do the old "We all get this" but sadly- we all do. I think you'd be hard pressed to find a blogger that hasn't gotten a mean comment or 10, and always from Miss Anonymous or someone that doesn't want to back their comment up with a real email address or website, either (such a coincidence, hm?).
Like you, I will never fully understand what drives these people do to it. It absolutely boggles my mind! I've NEVER been motivated to say something mean to someone, under the power of anonymity or not. I can also go to sleep every night being happy who I am, happy about my life, happy about my marriage, and happy about how I treat others- which I don't think is a coincidence.
If it makes others so angry that they have to leave a mean comment, then I think it says a lot about their *own* lives, hm? In fact, I think it says everything.
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. My first mean comment I ever received was the hardest, I won't lie. Now I delete and never think about them again- they will absolutely never have my consent. Or a reply. Poof, be gone, sweet dreams, goodnight. 😀
Chloe- you said it with perfect eloquence. That's exactly right. I have always maintained it says more about the person posting it than it says about me. And you're right, we don't "get it" because we are not those kinds of people…It's just not in my nature to be mean or try to make someone feel bad.
i still say they're jealous…hiding behind a screen anonymously. that's wimpy to me. if they can't stand the blog, go somewhere else! they're just trying to bring you down because they are so insecure with themselves. i love your blog and don't think you use too many products, intelligent and well-spoken. if i didn't, i wouldn't visit here!
Veronika – thanks for writing this post. Just like Chloe said, we all get the negative, nasty comments – I know I've had my fair share. I used to get really upset in the beginning, but now if I get them, I delete and laugh at that person. They all used to be anonymous (of course – it's so easy to do it anonymously, isn't it?) and then I turned off anonymous comments. Heck, just last week, I got a very nasty comment about a photoshoot I shared on my blog. What a pathetic person – if you don't like what I'm posting, don't read my blog!
I'm sorry you've experienced this too -I'm sorry any of us do, but sadly, that's the society we live in. Women tear eachother down, and it makes me SO sad. We should be supportive of one another. I have been torn down and bashed on fashion forums – to the point that it was just cruel. I just don't get the point. I have better things to do than bash people on the internet. It's so odd to me – I would never think to do it.
Anyhow, I just wanted to say I know where you're coming from, I commend you speaking up about it, and think you're a beautiful person inside and out 🙂
WOW I cannot believe that someone would post something OUTRIGHT negative to another person's blog!?
It's almost ridiculous that people could be that mean? I'm sorry to hear that you've had hurtful or negative comments in the past….
I just checked out that awful website you referenced….I may actually work it into my research paper since online bullying has become such a problem in schools as well that handbooks are actually having to be re-written t include disciplinary actions for online bullying as well.
I think it's actually really valuable that you addressed this on your blog, and just goes to show you're not stupid or vapid or shallow! The stupid, shallow actions are those of people who would be mean for their own personal pleasure.
This is so firing me up for my paper now!
People can be so rude. This is a great post. Keep up the good work 🙂
Veronika you have amazing taste and are an inspiration! Don't worry about the haters – they are suffering from spiritual poverty and their comments reflect absolutely nothing about you, only themselves.
I'm so sorry that you experienced that! Girls are so mean to each other.. I don't know why. I enjoy your blog immensely. I get new ideas for outfits and products from you. I get nasty comments from my fiancee's friend and his wife for my love of dressing up and high heels. It is hurtful and even more so when it is unprovoked. Love of fashion and beauty products does equate to unintelligence or shallowness. You are a wonderful person and a lot of people look forward to your blogging!
Veronika – I agree it is sad that people go so far out of their collective way to tear someone else down. I think it is our greatest downfall as women. I'm sorry about your upbringing, and as a fellow victim of bullying I'm so glad you've overcome it. Your husband reminds me of my own, who goes out of his way to build me up. For what it's worth, I'm a busy mom, wife and student and your blog is my "me break". I love to come read your ideas and see your OOTD pics. Of course, I don't always agree with everything you say, but I know that what doesn't work for me works for others. Thank you for taking the time to do this! I love your blog, keep up the good work!
Barbara- thanks for your sweet comment 🙂 I am also glad you mentioned that you don't agree with everything I say because that's important. I don't think there is one blogger out there (or human being for that matter) that you can really truly say you agree with everything they say. Thanks for your honesty and support. 🙂
Veronika,
I'm a lurker on the Nest but I've followed your blog for a while now and I'm completely inspired by this post. I too was bullied and beat down through Jr. High and High School and it still angers me to this day, even though I'm a strong, successful career woman. I live in a big city where it seems as though women judge as much as they support each other and it saddens me. I'm happy to see 1000+ other people following your blog, believing in you like I do. Congrats on finding something that's special about you and sharing it with the world. Everyone should be so lucky…
-Brittany
@Brittany- thanks for your super-sweet comment and it's nice to know someone who can relate!